“YOU — a single 34-year-old woman — want to give me dating advice? No thanks; I’m good.” -you after reading the title of this post, probably
Hear me out.
You might not think I’m the best person to dole out advice on this topic considering I’m old and not currently in a relationship, but I actually don’t view that as a bad thing. I see SO many single folks out there settling, sticking around when the situation and relationship is all kinds of wrong, and/or dating for the sake of well, dating. Because they feel like that’s what they’re supposed to do.
And these people? They’re miserable.
And I’m not.
Being single has never been a source of sadness or depression for me. Even in those it’d-be-nice-to-meet-someone moments, I’m not miserable when I don’t. Why is that, you ask? (I’m sure you didn’t ask; just go with it)
Because I’m happy alone.
Now, that doesn’t say I’m “happier” alone. That doesn’t say I “prefer” being alone. That’s different.
It just means I’ve always created a life for myself that does not revolve around being in a relationship. It’s a life filled with a lot of really great things and people and hobbies and well, alone time. Which I happen to like – no, NEED.
I have friends and family who I enjoy spending time with, a job that keeps me insanely busy, a writing gig on the side that fulfills me, and other simple pleasures that satisfy the soul and mind.
Because of all that, relationships become the cherry on top of the sundae; an added bonus or perk. I don’t need it. And for that reason? I don’t stay in things that aren’t right. I don’t force. I refuse to settle. And if I *am* dating someone, all of these things make for a happier and healthier situation; one that isn’t codependent or riddled with insecurity. I still have that sense of individuality and independence.
Basically, I follow this mantra (courtesy of poet Warsan Shire):
So it’s this, my single friends (all 3 of you), that I consider the best “dating advice.” It’s not tips on “Where to Meet the Perfect Guy” or “How to Land That Chick in Accounting You’ve Been Flirting With All Year.” I actually don’t have the answers to that stuff. What I *can* advise that you do is build a life for yourself that you really, truly love…so being “solo” isn’t such a bad thing.
It doesn’t mean you have to stop seeking a relationship.
It just means you value the one you have with yourself first and foremost.
Good luck out there.