Divorce

The Best Tips For Recovering From A Difficult Breakup

04/26/2017 07:11am ET | Updated April 26, 2017
pexels.com

Recovering from a bad breakup is tough. But sometimes, life demands a lot from us. Unpleasant circumstances leave us feeling drained and exhausted. Your life can be going fine one minute, and then you might suddenly encounter an unfortunate situation the next.

Struggles are essential for our continued development and spiritual growth. Every experience is an opportunity; it enables us to learn and evolve into greater human beings. At this point you may think that I'm just saying this so that you can look at struggles in a positive light, and of course, why wouldn’t you? Nothing good comes from perceiving struggles as something negative. You see, as soon as you accept that hardships are negative, you begin to embrace negativity as a lifestyle choice and move away from your happiness.

Heartbreak at the end of a relationship can be a very emotional time. Usually, after bad breakups, individuals can feel lost, hurt and disappointed. Here are some common things which occur after these breakups, when your emotions and thoughts are running wild:

Denial

There can be a tendency to be in denial; being unsure if it’s really the end. Sometimes, your brain will tell you to try and make things work because you don’t want to give up on love. Although we're taught to never give up on those we love, after an initial breakup, you have to ask yourself if the person that you’re involved with is healthy for your being. Your gut instinct is usually a good indicator of whether or not they are. You see, energy doesn’t lie, and your soul is always whispering the best advice for you, through intuition.

Hatred

Hate is a strong term, and I don’t like using it, but that’s how many people often describe what they feel when others have hurt them. Part of you may feel anger towards your ex (or even a whole gender - such as the male species). This is especially true if they did something directly to hurt you, such as cheat on you. You will often be led down a path of insecurity or feeling inadequate if this is the case. Just remember, you are beautiful from your physical presence to your mind, heart and soul. If someone doesn’t appreciate your beauty, it’s not meant for them.

Self-love is important here. Sometimes, people can’t love us in the way we want them to or give us the love that we deserve, but you always can. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. As I’ll discuss below, don’t you dare blame yourself and ask yourself the question: “Am I not good enough?”

All feelings of hatred are related to Ego; your self-image. They are not healthy for you. They attract further negativity into your life as all the energy we exude, is also returned by vibrational resonance.

Disappointment

Disappointment is often a product of confusion, created by an analysis of the breakup; overthinking comes to mind here. You can end up questioning why things didn’t work out in the way they should:

“What went wrong? Why did they do it? They said they loved me! Why would they let this end?”

Relationships take a lot of time and effort. You put so much into a relationship that when it ends due to a bad breakup, you can feel like you’ve almost thrown all your hard work away and wasted heaps of time. Despite this flawed thought, no time is ever wasted, and during this post, you’ll learn that heartbreaks come with great wisdom and opportunities for fulfilment.

Self-blame

It’s common for people to blame themselves for a bad breakup. You might say, “Maybe if I paid more attention to them, they wouldn’t have decided to leave me.”

You can come up with many reasons as to why things didn’t work out, but blaming yourself is never the answer. You possess attributes and qualities that are unique to you. Although you can always better yourself as a person, you should never make yourself feel small.

Some people are right for each other; others are not. Those that are right for each other establish a strong connection between them. If the connection is weak or someone has broken it, you can’t blame them. You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t as strongly connected to you, as you are to them. And you can’t blame yourself or them, for it, either.

Anti-love

This is a very typical reaction from someone coming out of a bad breakup. I often hear people say, “Forget love, I don’t want to feel like this ever again!”

This thought stems from the tendency to assume that all relationships end badly and cause pain. If that’s what you think, that's what you’ll get! One or more relationships do not define all relationships. Don’t close the book on love; there are still so many pages to go! Have faith!

As you can see, the grieving process following a bad breakup can consist of a lot of negative thoughts and ideas, implemented by your mind. But you cannot be blamed. The pain you feel is very real. Unfortunately, that pain isn’t always easy to remove either, especially if you had developed a deep connection with someone. You have all these memories and moments with them, a routine that you established with them, trust that you put into them, time invested in them, and so much more. It’s hard just to throw that all away and forget about it. I know it’s not easy.

You may wonder when, or whether, the feeling of sadness will ever pass. But believe that it will. Time is often the greatest healer there is. And, although you won’t want to hear that at the time of your breakup because it’s unhelpful, it’s still true.

Apart from some of the stuff I’ve already mentioned, here are eight things you should do to make recovering from a difficult breakup easier:

1. Let your emotions free

They are no good trapped inside. Do this in whatever way possible. Reach out to close friends or family. Talk things over and gain some insightful perspectives to help you move on. Or, just have a healthy conversation to help you feel better.

2. Stop analysing and overthinking

You cannot change what’s happened. The past is the past so leave it there. No matter how much you think about it or try and justify what happened, it will not change it.

3. Distance yourself

Don’t be tempted to text, call or check-up on your ex. You need time and space to yourself, so you can move on. Remaining in contact will not allow you to do this effectively. It’s unfair. Even looking at their whereabouts (which has no positive purpose) will only make you feel worse; by either reactivating old memories or putting ideas into your head and sending you back into overthinking mode.

4. Keep occupied

Spend time with people you love, doing the things you love, and just generally keeping busy. The more time you have to yourself, the more time you will tend to spend adding venomous thoughts into your head.

5. Accept that your love was real and it was a gift

Nothing was fake. If it was, you wouldn’t have given or felt the pure energy from the love you experienced. It was all very real, and it was a blessing. You had good moments, you learnt so much about yourself, others, love itself, and how to love another human being.

6. Take care of yourself

Not just mentally, but physically. Do some exercise, eat well, laugh, read, meditate, etc. Do whatever you have to do to maintain a healthy outlook. It’s all about feeling good by creating good vibes and boosting your happy hormones.

7. Learn from the experience and let go

People come into our lives for a reason. They teach us what we need to know. Time will eventually make you realise that there is a lot to be learned from your relationship. As hard as it may seem after the breakup, you should try and appreciate that the experience provided valuable knowledge. Those who often choose their partners carefully can vouch for this. They know exactly who and what will give them fulfilment because they recognise the types of individuals that won’t. This wisdom usually comes from bad relationships and breakups in the past.

8. Accept that you will be stronger

You’ll not only be wiser, but you’ll also become more powerful. When you’re at a point where you're feeling low, you have to learn to deal with it on your own. You also have to depend on yourself to get back up. Therefore, if you ever come across that same situation again, it will have less of a detrimental effect on you, as you’ve been remoulded to deal with it.

I hope that from all the information and tips I've given you, you’ll be able to find something valuable. I recognise that everyone is different, and deals with breakups in their own way. But, it’s always useful to have some guidance and perspective to help you through the process.

I'm not saying that dealing with heartbreak is easy, but what I will say is that just like any other tough time, you are going to get through it. Be patient and have faith in yourself.