Do you feel like you are having trouble keeping up with all the social changes that are sweeping through our world? I get it. Most of the world is still trying to untangle themselves from a rainbow hurricane while trying to wrap their heads around Gay Marriage being a national right. And here we are; right in the middle of #Lovewins pushing the collective consciousness even further. You know who we are; we're the gender pioneers.
That regular guy who lives next door who has a vagina.
Recently, someone called me "a regular guy," I chuckled. There's never been much that's regular about me, but it felt good to be called a "regular guy". That doesn't happen very often. Im not sure how most people would define a regular guy, but it felt like they were saying, that I was "someone they could have a beer with. When a person transitions it affects everyone around them from the most casual of relationships like our neighborhood barista at our favorite coffee shop to our family, friends, and co-workers. It just bullshit to try to pretend that this is not a challenge for everyone in some way.
When a person transitions everyone in their world becomes a gender pioneer. Everything that they might have thought to be solid and indisputable such as Sally is my sister; now becomes entirely different on many levels when Sally comes out and tells their family that they are a man. Now Sally is their brother, and someone's daughter is now a son. We cannot deny as transgender people that reaching for our true identity doesn't change the lives of those around us. And as transgender people that we are asking for our beloveds to become gender pioneers with us. They are asked not only to see us with new eyes; but they are also enlisted as gender educators to the community. It's hard for them to avoid that role; as everyone will have questions.
Together, in the best of circumstances when transgender people are accepted and loved within their family, friend and professional circles - everyone becomes a pioneer in a world that has up until recently thought that gender was fixed and that it was only sexual expression that could be fluid.
And if that doesn't change your world view about gender identity and family dynamics what will? For many "regular guys and girls", I am sure it has felt a bit like our culture is like Indiana Jones being chased by the great big ball of progress that is rolling behind us; about to run us over. It's a lot to take in and to keep up with. And it's all wonderful; but while we are dancing in the rainbows, and chatting about Cailtyn Jenner's new corset - that perhaps we have more compassion and empathy to our society that is also trying to keep up and change their attitudes that are deeply ingrained.
So, while many of us have been walking this journey for a very long time; the rest of the world hasn't had a moment to catch up. And perhaps that's a great thing; that's how progress is made.
Just remember that all of us are gender pioneers; we are at the forefront of a brand new way of thinking not only about sexual orientation, and sexual fluidity but it's also a time where the right to question our gender identity is being accepted and supported as well as the right to be fluid with our gender expression.
This is a beginning.
Tips to help one process the big ball of progress
- BREATH
- If you know someone who is going to or has transitioned think about how you can be supportive and let them know that your friendship and love for them is not contingent on their gender identity.
- If you have a family member or close friend who has or is transitioning you don't have to try and explain their personal story, it is theirs to tell.
- Be sympathetic to all who are trying to understand this new way of looking gender
- It is not anyone's fault
- Being transgender is not a choice just as we have learned that being gay or lesbian is not a choice.
- Think about how loving it is to give a safe space for those you care about to be their authentic selves
I think it's so important in this time of rapid change and fast social media; that
we remember how new all of this is to most people. As transgender people we have an opportunity to help create positive change; like being understanding and forgiving when people make a mistake. If we must correct a person do it with grace and a smile. I don't believe most people's intent is to hurt or offend. No matter how many times we have been hurt or offended if we choose to look from a positive perspective and not a negative one; things will change for the better. We can control our own attitudes -starting with removing the chips off our shoulders!
It's such an amazing time for all of us.
And some days, it good to take some time out and be a regular guy, who likes to hang out with my friends, puppies and have good beer.