WOLF. Now that Donald Trump is in the act of picking his cabinet, I thought I would use the occasion to question him about his background and attitudes. Welcome, President-elect Trump.
DONALD. And welcome to you, Mr. Spritzer. I love your programs.
WOLF. Thank you, sir. And obviously a lot of Americans love your programs, too.
DONALD. And I love a lot of Americans, especially the ones that elected me.
WOLF. You're picking your cabinet now. If you could nominate anyone who ever lived, who would be your ideal choices.
DONALD. Oh, that's easy. For Secretary of Defense, I would pick Attila the Hun.
WOLF. For Defense?
DONALD. Sure. The post used to be called Secretary of War. Imagine how he would have behaved in that role with a few nuclear weapons at his disposal.
WOLF. Alright, how about Secretary of Homeland Security?
DONALD. Same guy. He's gotta have his finger on the bomb.
WOLF. We go on now to Secretary of the Interior.
DONALD. General George Custer.
WOLF. (Astonished) Who?!!!
DONALD. George Custer. He killed a lot of them illegal immigrants at Little Big Horn, didn't he?
WOLF. Which illegal immigrants?
DONALD. Indians.
WOLF. "Indians" are now more accurately identified as native-Americans.
DONALD. That's the word--"native." Hardly of European ancestry.
WOLF. Alright. How about Secretary of the Treasury.
DONALD. I would pick the whole Rothschild family.
WOLF. Why?
DONALD. Three hundred and fifty billion. That gives them the biggest treasury on earth.
WOLF. Attorney General?
DONALD. Ivan the Terrible. He knew how to prosecute without favor. Even killed his own son.
WOLF. Housing and Urban Development?
DONALD. That's a real easy one. Me.
WOLF. You would be your own Secretary of Housing and Urban Development?
DONALD. Who else? I already have my name on half the real estate in Washington. I'll just add a few golf courses, and make the reality more formal.
WOLF. I get the picture. I won't ask you about Commerce, Labor, or Energy, because I think I know your answers. I'll just wish you good luck and goodnight.
DONALD. And good luck and good night and lotsa lotsa love to all of you out there. We are going to have a great eight years.
THE CABINET OF DONALD SALIVARY
By Robert Brustein
WOLF. Now that Donald Trump is in the act of picking his cabinet, I thought I would use the occasion to question him about his background and attitudes. Welcome, President-elect Trump.
DONALD. And welcome to you, Mr. Spritzer. I love your programs.
WOLF. Thank you, sir. And obviously a lot of Americans love your programs, too.
DONALD. And I love a lot of Americans, especially the ones that elected me.
WOLF. You're picking your cabinet now. If you could nominate anyone who ever lived, who would be your ideal choices.
DONALD. Oh, that's easy. For Secretary of Defense, I would pick Attila the Hun.
WOLF. For Defense?
DONALD. Sure. The post used to be called Secretary of War. Imagine how he would have behaved in that role with a few nuclear weapons at his disposal.
WOLF. Alright, how about Secretary of Homeland Security?
DONALD. Same guy. He's gotta have his finger on the bomb.
WOLF. We go on now to Secretary of the Interior.
DONALD. General George Custer.
WOLF. (Astonished) Who?!!!
DONALD. George Custer. He killed a lot of them illegal immigrants at Little Big Horn, didn't he?
WOLF. Which illegal immigrants?
DONALD. Indians.
WOLF. "Indians" are now more accurately identified as native-Americans.
DONALD. That's the word--"native." Hardly of European ancestry.
WOLF. Alright. How about Secretary of the Treasury.
DONALD. I would pick the whole Rothschild family.
WOLF. Why?
DONALD. Three hundred and fifty billion. That gives them the biggest treasury on earth.