Get out your aerosol spray cans, they're not the problem after all!! Scientists now know the real cause of Global Warming.
Fat people.
Well, maybe not all scientists, but certainly Dr. Phil Edwards of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine - one of the more prestigious of the institutions that combines two random names. "Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler" the I-assume-slender Dr. Edwards contends.
Each obese person is said to be responsible for emitting a TON more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one. Do the math. That's an extra BILLION TONS of CO2 a year.
Phillip Morris may be killing you but Sara Lee is killing the world.
And it doesn't stop there. Since heavyset people tend to exercise less they drive more, which is another major cause of carbon emissions.
So a hefty person who buys a Supersize meal from the drive-through window is personally responsible for melting polar ice caps. I hope it was worth it.
Hey, producers of 24 - there's your storyline for next season. McDonalds is introducing one-pounders. Jack has 24 hours to blow up the central slaughterhouse.
The US and Great Britain are two biggest offending nations. They're both getting fatter by the decade. So the next time you hit that cake stall hard during high tea at Harrod's just know that every finger pastry destroys another rain forest.
And of course the ultimate irony is this: Al Gore has been on a personal campaign to make the world aware of Global Warming. But since he won for President (and wasn't allowed to serve) he's picked up a few LB's himself. Al Gore is part of the problem!
That said, his movie, An Inconvenient Truth is a disturbing cautionary tale that should be seen by everyone. Just don't go to the concession stand for a tub of popcorn, 64 ounce Coke, and four boxes of Snow Caps. Those Snow Caps may be the last anyone on earth ever sees.