What do you feel when you hear the word “sensitive?” For many people, the first thing that comes to mind is pain, anxiety and overwhelm…
If you’re a Highly Sensitive Person like me, you’ve experienced your fair share of pain, anxiety, and fear. Sure, those things come up in life for just about everyone. But when you have the Sensory Processing Sensitivity trait, the intensity of everyday experiences goes to a whole new level.
When I was preparing to address the challenges that Highly Sensitive People face, I had to stop and ask myself if I wanted to take on this topic. I mean, who would want to read about or listen to all of the burdens of High Sensitivity?
But the more I talked to my communities about their particular challenges and experiences, the more I began to remember three things. First, we need to be aware of how a world full of constant stimuli affects us as highly sensitive people. Second, we also need to understand why we respond the way we do, not only to outer stimulation but also to internal processing. In other words, there’s no sense in glossing over the tough stuff. And the third, the struggles and challenges are REAL.
The thing is, you can acknowledge your challenges without giving in to them. When you know yourself, you empower yourself to make changes in your life. You can make adjustments, tweak your environment, and give yourself a break for being the way that you are.
You don’t have to feel sorry for yourself or consider your sensitivity a curse. But to work with something, you have to see it for what it is first. Without judgment, anger, or resentment. Only then can you work with your family, friends, coworkers, and yourself so that you can create your best life. And most of all, receive and use the gifts of High Sensitivity.
Because that’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it?
I tell people that I began focusing on High Sensitivity in 2001. But the truth is that was a lot earlier than that: I’ve been specializing in it my entire life! I’ve lived through just about every challenge there is, from burnout to anxiety, from anger to resentment. I’ve worked with clients and seen many of the same things come up. The good news is that I’ve discovered ways to both acknowledge and work with the things that cross our highly sensitive paths. And that’s what I’m going to share with you right now.
Challenge #1: Balance and Self-Care. Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed over the course of your day? Do appointments, interactions, or projects make you feel as though you “just need to rest” when you’re done?
One person in my Highly Sensitive Parents Community shared with me that if she has an activity for one hour, she needs two hours to decompress after that. And I in every group that I started discussions in, I found countless other Highly Sensitive People saying the same thing.
I know that’s a familiar story for me, and I bet you can relate as well.
Knowing your limits and setting your boundaries is a big deal for Highly Sensitive People. That means making time for self-care and recovery.
You see, when you’re Highly Sensitive, stimuli of all kinds affects you more than it would a non-sensitive person. And what’s more, you tend to accumulate and store it more deeply in your body. So it just takes a little bit more time to release it than it would for a non-sensitive.
How do you manage this in real life when there’s just SO much to do? How do you create enough “me” time for yourself? Trust me; I get that one. I run a business. I have a husband and three kids. A lot is going on in my world.
But one of the things that I do for myself is that I don’t overschedule myself on any given day. I do get a lot done every day, but I also incorporate as much recovery time as possible in between appointments and projects.
Having even a little bit of recovery time throughout your day can make all the difference in the world. Do what you can to make that a priority, even if all you can give it is a few minutes.
Challenge #2: Anxiety and Fear. In the many Highly Sensitive groups that I participate in, I hear people using the word “anxiety” right along with the word “sensitive.” It’s almost as though anxiety and high sensitivity are synonymous. And honestly, that’s just not how it works.
Anxiety comes from your brain reacting to stimuli in a certain way, and it can affect anyone at any time. It’s just that when you’re Highly Sensitive, common anxiety just gets deeper into your system. And it can feel as though stress is coming after you more than other people. If you have also experienced a lot of trauma, you will be more triggered to experience anxiety too.
Tell me if this sounds familiar. You think deeply. You go over and over the same thing in your head. And right along with that, you feel as intensely as you think. You find it pretty impossible just to say “I’m done” and move on to the next thing. That in itself can cause anxiety, and perhaps more intensely than it might for the average person.
And are you also a parent? Maybe you worry excessively about your children or worry about the future. And you probably see and feel the pain yourself that your children are going through “on steroids.” Especially if their struggles and experiences are triggering unresolved emotions from your youth.
Which brings me to the next challenge…
Challenge #3: Parenting (and living) without fear. I hear it all the time. Clients ask me things like, “How can I parent without fear?” and “How can I actively calm myself?” Now, it’s true that every parent struggles with these realities. But if you’re Highly Sensitive, you have an extra layer to it as well. All that overarousal both in your environment and in your head can escalate pretty quickly.
So when it comes to anxiety, both as a parent and a person, that self-care part becomes that much more pressing. Planning recovery time and creating boundaries for your time and energy is essential for us. Taking care of yourself and your body needs to be a priority, even if it’s just a few moments every day.
Challenge #4: “The world doesn’t understand us” . Have you been hearing all your life that you’re too sensitive? Have you been told things like, “Get over it”, “Stop thinking so much”, “You are TOO much” and even maybe “Why can’t you just BE happy?”
In other words, you might feel that the entire world is telling you that you're not good enough. You're never going to make it because you can't deal with life.
With society continually telling you to toughen up, get over it, and let it go, it can feel as though the world neither appreciates nor respects you, right?
This kind of judgment also come up for Highly Sensitive Children in traditional schools. Not all teachers and schools are aware of the trait, and the expectations tend to be that all the children are to learn and process things in the same way. You probably know either from personal experience or from being the parent of a highly sensitive child that this is not the case.
So you might’ve been rejected by a society that doesn’t understand you, and this might’ve been going on your entire life. That makes it a lot harder to relate to others, to open up to others, and sometimes even to find conversations that satisfy you. (Because I bet that you aren’t a big fan of small talk, right? Neither am I.)
As humans, we want to feel accepted. We long to understand ourselves and love ourselves for who we are. Coming to terms with your sensitivity can be a big challenge, especially when you have little support or encouragement. It can lead to a big-time lack of self-love and self-acceptance, too.
So not only are you dealing with a world that doesn't get you, you barely get yourself.
Now, I’m not saying that all of this happens to EVERY Highly Sensitive Person. Just because you’re sensitive doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to experience all these gut-punch moments. Maybe you grew up with supportive parents, loving teachers, and a nurturing environment. If that's the case, that's amazing! You have probably no idea what I am talking about and you have always embraced your sensitivity for the gift that it is.
But if these challenges sound all too familiar to you, you're not alone. The good news is, though, that there are ways to see them, understand them, and meet them. When you know what the potential roadblocks are, you can prepare for them, deal with them, and prevent them from kicking you down.
Try to keep this in mind thought, harboring a lot of anger and hurt about being Highly Sensitive doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t help you, and it doesn’t help others understand you any better. Communicating with the people in your life about your sensitivity can come from a place of love instead of anger. Tell people your truth without judgment. Don’t make yourself wrong for who you are, and let go of the victim mentality. This in itself will work wonders.
Keep this in mind as a parent of a Highly Sensitive Child, too. When you communicate with your child’s teachers, be clear about his or her needs. But also be positive. Venting your anger or frustration on your child’s teacher won’t help.
Highly Sensitive People sometimes victimize themselves, which again doesn’t help anyone. Sensitivity is not a curse. It’s not a punishment. It’s merely a trait. Not only that, it can be a fantastic gift. High sensitivity allows you to have a deep, rich, and vibrant experience of the world around you. And it also allows you to share that beauty with the world.
The more awareness you can bring to both the challenges and the gifts of High Sensitivity, the more you can begin to create the life that you want. You can also help yourself and others become more accepting of everyone’s differences.
With a lot of self-awareness, self-care, and self-love, you can heal your challenges. You can create a more balanced life. And you can also create the space where you can honestly be yourself. That’s the kind of future that I envision for you, for myself, and for my three amazing, beautiful, Highly Sensitive Children.
Here is a beautiful poem that too me captures the beauty of sensitivity. It was written by Sandy Alemian:
As I live my own life, the world needs to know
That each step I take must be steady and slow
For when I rush, it’s so hard to see
The lessons that life has in store for me
As I live my own life, you’ll need to know
That I may not conform, my true self will show
For I’ve promised my soul for all of eternity
To open my heart to the truth within me
As I live my own life, I need to know
That through my pain and my tears, I will grow
So I let go, I let God, and I know what I’ll see,
The beauty in you, the beauty in me.
This is the message for everyone. Through your sensitivity, you might experience pain. There might be tears. But there will also be opportunities to grow. And in the end, that’s what you’re here to do. I know that through my 37 years of schooling in the ways of going through life Highly Sensitive, that is what I am here to do. And you are too.
So use your sensitivity to learn, to grow, and to see the beauty in you.
Want to express yourself, find support, and embrace your High Sensitivity? And you’re looking for ways to live a beautiful and brilliant life as a Highly Sensitive Person, join me over at the Vibrant Sensitive Movement on Facebook!