I stood before my laptop on the tall table in my kitchen. My fingers hovered over the keyboard; I walked away. I came back and walked away again. I paced the cold tile floor.
I bit nervously at the rough edge on my fingernail then prayed, “How do I talk about the thing no one wants to talk about when it comes to church?”
The hard truth is, I come in contact with people every single day who have been badly burned by “church.”
Being hurt by people who claim to follow and love Jesus is its own raw and exclusive kind of pain. It’s infinitely worse than being rejected by a human being who lays no claim to faith. Being judged, condemned and rejected by a person who claims Christianity can feel like being rejected by Christ himself.
I’ve been told of childhood trauma...
You’ll never be good enough for Jesus to love you.
You’re gonna go to hell for that.
My parents acted like everything was perfect at church but our home was a war zone.
Daddy was an elder. He used to get drunk and molest us after church.
People have said to me,
When I ask questions about the Bible, I’m told, it’s a sin. But how am I supposed to have blind faith in something that’s been used to hurt me so badly in the past?
I haven’t talked to my family in years. They cut me out when I stopped going to their church.
By the time I was 14, I’d been told so many times I’d go to hell for something I’d already done, that I gave up and decided at least I’d have fun on my way there.
People who have been wounded in this way have a difficult time untangling Jesus from human agenda.
We may have these stories, or have heard similar stories, or be completely shocked by such stories. Wherever we find ourselves on the spectrum, we mustn’t ignore these stories. Dismissing or denying these experiences does nothing to help reconcile the great divide between “church” and the eternal longing all people need soothed in their souls.
How do we begin to build a bridge?
We humble our hearts and we listen- to the hardest parts without trying to argue, excuse or explain them.
We acknowledge the incredible grief people have suffered in the name of religion. We remember Jesus was present in those very atrocities. He has endured the unchecked free will and the brunt of unspeakable behavior carried out “in His Name.” But we don’t say that yet; we simply bear witness to the pain. We let our tears flow, because those tears are passing through us from Jesus himself.
We cannot undo these harsh realities. We cannot fix what has been broken in the name of “church” anymore than we can fix what is broken in the human heart.
What we can do is be a new kind of body- whether or not we go to “church.” We can be the arms and legs and fingers and toes and lips and nose of Jesus. If you’re wondering how we do that, download this free resource.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not arguing a case to “go to church” or “not.” I believe it is possible to find great nourishment and community there.
I am saying some people really can’t go. That’s not how they are going to find their way back to Jesus. And those who can go, need to understand that we will not serve those who can’t from a pew or padded chair, nor from pomp or position.
So what do we do?
We pray and ask Jesus to bring us opportunities to love and to listen.
When He does, we do.
And we share our own stories of heartache too. As misfit Jesus followers, we’re sure to have them. The beautiful thing is- we know the story doesn’t end in heartache. We know there’s healing ahead, along with purpose and freedom.
If you’ve been hurt by “church” and people in it, I’m deeply sorry. I am here to give witness to your story. If you haven’t, be grateful. Then reach out and listen to someone who has.
Here’s to the work ahead. Let us do it in Love-
We are a family of misfit Jesus followers. Download our free guide, “4 surprising steps to find & follow Jesus (whether or not you go to church)”
This article first published at Purpose Dweller.
photo by Leeroy