Spoiler alert: the Circle of Life is a lie. It's a straight line from birth to death. A circle implies otherwise.
Why does every teachable moment begin with This Old Mom making a ginormous mistake?
Either I’m not listening or listening while multi-tasking (which is basically not listening) or it's impossible to understand what Grace is saying because her current stab at English gives her an accent that veers from Brooklyn to Boston to Creole- sometimes in the same word.
One morning, while simultaneously feeding her, the dogs, turtle and cat, Grace hollers:
Grace: I wanna watch Lion God.
ME: What? You mean The Lion King.
Grace: No. The Lion God.
ME: There is no such thing as the Lion God. It's called The Lion King.
Eagerly finding a bootleg version of The Lion King online, thrilled to distract her while feeding everyone but me, it does occur that Mufasa’s death, so soon after losing her beloved Granny (and my mom), might fuck her up. Figuring it’s a cartoon and she has to learn the difference between reality and cartoons and people and animals and since I’m so deep in grief I’m amazed I’m alive… I let it fly.
The Lion King was released a mere 5 years before Pixar disrupted the animation world with the digital masterpiece Toy Story. Next to Toy Story, The Lion King is clunky, old-fashioned and long as dirt, so it's easy to assume that Grace will be over it in about 5 minutes. Assumption incorrect. Again.
Suddenly it's the Mufasa death scene, which is basically the Millennial version of the Bambi dead mom scene- responsible for traumatizing new legions of children--and their parents who will have to answer many sad, complex questions about death for like 5 hours a day for the rest of everyone’s lives. I try to turn it off, but she insists on watching as Simba watches James Earl Jones bite it. Question time.
GRACE: Why does Mufasa die?
ME: Well, Scar is a bad brother - and a very bad lion. Or a good lion, actually, in that he’s a fierce predator. His name is Scar, which is a heavy handed hint that he’s just no good. That’s why Jeremy Irons is his voice. With a British accent, even though his brother is voiced by James Earl Jones, who has an American accent. See, it makes no sense. It’s just a cartoon, honey.
GRACE: But why does Mufasa HAVE to die?
We blink at each other for a moment. What is my four year old actually asking me? Is this about storytelling devices or is this about how life sucks because we all just end up dying?
ME: (Deep sigh) Well, we think in the beginning of the movie that the titular character is Mufasa, because he starts out as the Lion King. But the Lion King turns out to be Simba, his son. It’s the Hamlet story, but set in Africa’s animal kingdom. Sadly, Simba has to lose his father in order to become who he is supposed to be.
Grace practices her eye roll, which is swiftly becoming as broad as that of a Nickelodeon tween star. She stomps her massive Spidey-high-top-encased foot, furious.
GRACE: NOOOOO. WHY. DOES. MUFASA. HAVE. TO. DIE?????!!!
Eyes instantly watering, it’s easy to wonder if she's upset about Mufasa’s demise or about my mom’s recent sudden death. Mom’s been gone 3 months. Grace hasn’t mentioned her lately but sure talked about Granny’s death in the beginning. Like all our intense conversations-- on race, racism, adoption, gender issues--all of them happened before imagining Grace was ready (and WAY before I was) —death is going to be a chat we will have over and over until I kick it.
ME: Grace, I appreciate your frustration, because I’m mighty upset Granny is gone. While anger is an understandable reaction, Mufasa dies because all beings die. If we live, we die at some point but you won’t die for a LONG, LONG, LONG---
Grace claps an exhausted hand to her forehead in the purest act of surrender ever witnessed. She is so utterly over me that I am too. She sits on the floor. Wiped out, I sink to the floor too.
ME: Are you upset Granny died?
GRACE: Why do you keep making everything about Granny dying?
ME: (Ouch, okay) What do you want to know?
GRACE: Why Mufasa has to die?
ME: Well, in most Disney animated movies a parent dies early on, which infuriates a lot of mothers who think Disney loves killing off moms, but it’s a story-telling device from old Fairy Tales. A child’s worst fear is losing a parent. And as evidenced in Bambi or Cinderella, it’s important for children to learn that they can survive the loss of a parent. So Mufasa dies so that Simba will grow up and be his own man- I mean, lion.
Grace eyes me like I’ve ruined all four years of her life.
ME: I didn't answer your question, did I?
Grace just shakes her head very slowly, her centuries-old-soul version of ‘no’.
ME: OK. Mufasa dies because his brother kills him. Scar is jealous his brother is king so he kills him. Then he tries to kill Simba so that he, Scar, can be the evil king. That’s why.
Grace takes it all in soberly, somberly, sadly. It’s no fun explaining the facts of life, especially the bad facts. But if she’s going to have someone blow holes in her innocence with all the ways people are cruel, wrong, evil, weak, and fragile to the point of ceasing to be, it might as well be me. She gives me a sad smile.
GRACE: Oh. Scar kills Mufasa because he wants to be king. That’s really uncool, Mom.
ME: Yes. It’s supremely uncool.
GRACE: And it’s 'preemely uncool that Granny died.
ME: Yes, yes it is Grace.
GRACE: And this isn't the Lion God.
Then she climbs in my lap and we watch the rest of the most endless animated film in history.
I cannot feel the love tonight or any night for The Lion King.
While Clem learns about dysfunctional families and death, I text the most in-the-know Mom I know and learn about The Lion Guard, which is a Disney animated series… where, magically no one, not even the predatory animals or the ruminant prey of the African plains, ever dies. The most upsetting part of The Lion Guard is when mean hyenas harass zebras, which are protected (not hunted, another TOTAL LIE) by a peaceable gang comprised of a lion with a red mohawk, a hippo, a cheetah and a honey badger.
While This dumbass Old Mom wishes I had known about The Lion Guard just so we didn’t have to have this awful conversation AND watch The Lion King… both were going to happen sooner or later.
I hate teachable moments because all of them are for me.