“He seemed like such a nice guy!”
For years, the Matt Lauer’s of the world have strategically positioned themselves for a reign of terror that now has us sitting on the edge of our seats. They skillfully present as charming, charismatic individuals who often seem larger than life. They are masters of impression management while never letting their mask drop. They do seem like nice guys because (newsflash!), these men don’t typically yank their penises out in the middle of coffee shops or in business meetings. Sexual predators are too smart and too calculated for this. Their narcissistic, predatory behavior is reserved for the times they are behind closed doors and away from watchful eyes of their many admirers. If Matt Lauer were to write a real apology statement, it would have said, “I am truly sorry that I got caught.” Nothing more, nothing less.
As a country, we have watched the downfall of our once beloved media father, Bill Cosby, who won our hearts as Dr. Cliff Huxtable on the Cosby Show. Many were in disbelief as women began coming forward in droves. There are over 50 women who have bravely come forward to share their very credible and chilling experiences of being sexually victimized by the now infamous, Bill Cosby. Those of us who wholeheartedly embraced Dr. Huxtable as our “TV dad” feel misled. How was someone like this able to pull the wool over the eyes of an entire country?
While the #MeToo movement has riveted America, there is a critical educational piece that is missing from this movement. What is the common denominator that connects all of these men? The answer is Cluster B personality disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. With each of these three Cluster B disorders, there is a pronounced lack of empathy, repeated testing of laws, rules, and personal boundaries, much manipulation to meet their own needs which can fluctuate with their mood states. There is often high comorbidity with sex addictions and substance abuse.
There seems to be an age-old Hollywood phenomenon where narcissistic, high-profile individuals such as Mel Gibson can go on a homophobic rant, beat the mother of his child and then, bring in his highly-paid PR team to do disaster clean up. After a year or two, we seem to forgive and forget these atrocities while ordering extra butter on our popcorn and watching his latest movie. As a society, we can do better and we’ve come too far this year to continue to turn a blind eye to an issue that has been brushed under the rug for decades.
Do you feel mislead and repulsed by Bill Cosby, Matt Lauer and all of the other men we invite into our lives through our television sets, our radios or on the big screen? I hope you do. As a society, we must take a stance. We must hold these people accountable. We need to demand more from the companies who employ and enable these men. Stop watching their movies, stop buying their music and stop tuning into their television shows. Let your voice be heard by sharing your stories and above all, let’s demand consequences for the abhorrent behavior of those who feel above the law. We must stop saying, “he seems like such a nice guy,” because the fact is, nice guys aren’t predators and nice guys don’t sexually assault people. He isn’t a nice guy. He’s a predator. He’s not sorry but he is sorry that he got caught.