The two-year anniversary of my first blog for The Huffington Post is quickly approaching, so I want to take this time to thank not only HuffPost for giving me the opportunity to write about addiction and recovery, but also you, my readers. Hopefully I have been helpful and encouraging as you navigate those murky waters of addiction.
I have been privileged to receive many questions regarding your loved ones' substance abuse issues. Though they are not long enough for me to write an entire blog, they merit comment and are poignant and thoughtful. Hence, I am adding a new series called "The Counselor's Corner: Your Questions About Addiction and Recovery."
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Mary from Kansas City asks, "Should we drug test our own child?"
Mary's 22-year-old son lives with her and her husband. They are concerned about his noncompliance with remaining clean and sober, and she wants to implement drug testing in an effort to monitor his progress.
I am an absolute proponent of random drug testing. It is a very effective and 99-percent foolproof way to know if your loved one is remaining clean and sober. However, I strongly advise family members against administering this test on their own, for the following reasons:
- No matter how good the relationship between child and parent may be, this situation may put a bit of a strain on it, and if the relationship is already prickly, this commitment will only add additional pressure. No one is ever thrilled to participant in UA (urinary analysis) testing, so why generate any anger and resentment?
I advise using a professional testing facility. A professional center is set up so that the alcoholic/addict calls in to find out if they are supposed to report for testing that day. Because the testing is random, they have to call in daily. With you out of the picture, your son will have to take full responsibility for his own testing: calling daily at a designated time, getting himself to the testing site and testing clean. All these factors are important if he is to have accountability in achieving a sober lifestyle.
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Everyone from everywhere asks, "Is a 'functioning alcoholic' still considered an alcoholic?"
If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times. The alcoholic/addict contends that they have never been fired from a job, that they have never had a DUI or even driven intoxicated, that they only drink at home, that they don't nearly drink as much as their friends Bob or Sue, and that they can handle their liquor. So, because all of this is true, they can't possibly be an alcoholic. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Having a designated driver so that you can get blitzed at a party or calling a cab at the end of an evening of heavy drinking is responsible, for sure, but it does not make you exempt from being an alcoholic, just like any of the excuses listed previously.
If one's family members or friends are uncomfortable with the alcoholic intake, or if one can't remember the evening before, then there is an alcoholic addiction. In a previous blog I listed 12 questions one can ask to determine alcoholic tendencies. You may want to explore it and see how many are answered "yes."
I had a client whose loved one hid his bottle of alcohol by the trash containers. Every night she would take out the trash several times to get a "pick-me-up" yet vehemently stated that she did not have a drinking problem. Really? That doesn't sound like sane behavior to me.
So the answer is yes, I do believe that a functioning alcoholic is still considered an alcoholic, but is just luckier than other alcoholics and bought more time. However, luck and time eventually always run out.
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If I can be of service, or you want to submit a question, please visit my website and shoot me an email at www.familyrecoverysolutions.com. In addition, I invite you to explore my new book "Reclaim Your Life: You and the Alcoholic/Addict" at www.reclaimyourlifebook.com or on Amazon.com.