Overworked to overachieve. Sound familiar? Often they come in the same package. We go the extra mile to get a reward, to get recognition -- a pat on the back for a job well done. The admiration and appreciation of your peers, your boss, clients, family -- it's addictive even soothing.
Martha Beck coins it "being an approval whore." Getting approval for taking assignments no one else wants, pulling an all-nighter to finish the project before the deadline, staying in late to work when it's not necessary. It can be appealing to pile more onto your plate to be super woman.
Achieve more. Go above and beyond in our career, in life. As if that is how we are programmed to think. Is that what it really takes to move ahead?
What does it take to change course and finally realize it's not all about overachieving at work? Unfortunately for many it's when they have hit a wall like exhaustion or worse burnout. It may be exciting initially to be in a fast paced, stressful job but eventually it will take its toll. As Arianna Huffington in her book "Thrive" points out, "women are paying an even higher price than men for their participation in a work culture that is fueled by stress, sleep deprivation, and burnout. That is one reason why so many talented women, with impressive degrees working in high-powered jobs, end up abandoning their careers when they can afford to."
Louann Brizendine in her book "The Female Brain" says the top three wishes of women she has come across in her office are: "Joy in my life, a fulfilling relationship, and less stress with more personal time". The answer here isn't overworking to overachieve.
Where does this hunger to keep working long hours for gold stars come from? It's not about getting approval from others and gaining validation. It's about approving yourself. Know and understand that you are good enough.
It starts with accepting yourself, admiring yourself; LOVING yourself. Here are two simple steps on how to get there:
1.Be mindful. You may have heard this term being thrown around before. The definition of mindfulness according to Jon Kabat-Zinn is "paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally." It's about understanding yourself first- be aware of your innermost thoughts and beliefs. What judgmental thoughts are running through your head? I am not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty enough? Become aware of those negative thoughts and instead.....
2.Focus on something that gives you joy. And I mean what is truly joyful to you with no hidden agenda of getting a pat on the back. Take a break and do something you just relish. It can be tennis, catching up with good friends, dance, reading a good book - the list goes on. Or even just being can be just as enjoyable. This is the best act of love, kindness if you will, to yourself that you can start doing today.