The Dating Factor: 3 Simple Steps to Succeeding in Dating

Can you sense it? The sound of cuffing season is here. Its time to start carving turkeys, decking the halls, pulling out Forever 21 cashmere coats and thumbing through our contacts for that “Holiday Bae.” Being Single or a "Recovering Undercover Overlover" can be presented as problematic and tough for some. Although returning to the dating scene can be seen as a challenge, there are ways to ensure that you reach your desired end in 3 simple steps that I call "The STAG Dating Philosophy."

1. Stay Ready

Infamous Neo Soul Artist Jill Scott said, "If you are honest about what you want, you might just get it." Being open and available for another human connection requires complete honesty with yourself. Often times we will go through a series of stages in trying to prepare ourselves for our next romantic connection. For example, some may experience self-doubt, isolation, disdain toward others dating success, become cynical toward dating, unapproachable, and several other counterproductive stages that serve as defense mechanisms to keep us from feeling disappointment again. These stages are normal, and it is acceptable to transition through them. However, there will be a time when we will find ourselves ready to reenter the dating world. Once you are ready, stay ready. Always be at your best and ready for your potential mate to reveal themselves to you. Whether you’re running to store for some groceries for weekly meal prep or going out to a Happy Hour with your friends, make sure you turn on your "Yes We Are Open" sign. Keep your charisma light-hearted, flirty and ready to use at will. As a wise man once told me," If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready."

2. Versatility is Key in Dating

The Law of Attraction says, "What you think, you become." It is easy to fall prey to the negative mindset that all people are inherently out for themselves. This mindset has become the norm in dating and fosters a cancerous mentality that keeps most people single. The good book says, "It's not good for man to be alone." We all need someone to partner with us in order to make this journey called life a little easier. It is important that when we are making our emergence back to love, that we be versatile in our approach. Be versatile in our thinking, dating, loving, connecting, and even love making. We have to find space in our lives to make room for the kind of love that we need, not necessarily the love we think we want. Love is a universal entity and it perfects all things it comes into contact with. In the great words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything."

3. Project Confidence Always

The great philosopher Jim Rohm says, "Confidence is Attractive." I have found these words to be fundamentally true. People are attracted to those that project confidence in every area of their lives. When you are confident, you send a signal to others that you believe in yourself and that you are self-aware. You can project confidence by being intentional in your dealings with yourself and others. For example, you could adopt better eating habits, improve your image, adjust your posture, connect with people better, smile when walking into any room, and also volunteer for a local charity. All of those examples assist in promoting a more self-confident person. Think about the amazingly talented Beyoncé. When she walks into any room, people light up with joy and admiration at the mere sight of her. Regardless of how you personally feel about her, it would difficult to deny that she has the "It" factor. In juxtaposition, dating requires you to illuminate that same confidence. People are drawn to those that project confidence and act like they place a high value on themselves. Be kind, be respectful, be courteous, be confident, and most of all, be you.

Yes, dating can be a challenge; however, when you equip yourself with the necessary tools you need to be better at it, you will find yourself landing positive dates regularly. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just one step at a time." I would suggest in your new dating efforts that you don't try to submerge yourself in the process, but take it date by date. Each interaction will reveal something that you could have done better or more efficacious to get a better result. Become intentional with your dating and connections. You'll discover that you will start to find mastery of the process, and you might just land that guy or gal that will walk with you forever. Remember love is universal. Now, Go and Grow.

Jai Sneed is a dedicated Dating and Relationship Coach. It’s his life’s work to be a resource of Empowerment and Motivation to Singles and Couples in the SGL/ LGBT Community. Jai is the Founder and President of STAG Singles Professionals Events Firm that provides its members with the Dating Resources, Singles Mixers/Events, also Seminars necessary to achieving their goals in Love. Contact Coach Jai Sneed at

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