Last week, I took a leap! It felt like a Radical and Terrifying move at the time. My Emotional Body and Habitual Being resisted. They had become Very Accustomed to, if not Dependent on, this Presence.
It was Radical. It was Essential...
A Deactivation Occurred.
Ahhh exhale… I feel like a completely different person! I feel like a Me I knew many years ago, remembering parts of me Long Forgotten and Simpler Ways of Being. I feel like I have had the Gigantic Weights of Adulthood lifted of my shoulders…. but perhaps they were not Weights of Adulthood at all? Perhaps they were something more subtle, more insidious?
I feel Happy and Ready for Life like I did when I was a Teenager!
Im heart feels Expansive and my energy is moving Lovingly through my Body. If I stop for a moment, in stillness, I can feel the Waves of Love moving gently through my being - it is Tangible… Felt… Soft... Beautiful.
Lately, I had been feeling like I am Squashed... down into a Mucky Icky Murky Gunk somewhere down inside me.
I was feeling more Depressed than my life really warrants. I was feeling Socially Anxious, freaking out about social gatherings & seeing ex lovers with new lovers. I was feeling Isolated and Alone, even though I am surrounded by amazing Friends and Community. I was feeling Energetically Zapped and Exhausted. I was struggling with Insomnia and Life Avoidance. I was feeling like I was constantly Up Hill Battling my Life to meet a standard that I'd created through Faux Impressions of others through their Facebook Brochures.
My Deactivation happened at a moment of Breaking Point. When I felt into my world, I was completely overwhelmed with instability, reactive emotions, depressive states, anxiety and fear. It was horrible and I thought how can it be that my life FEELS like this, when it LOOKS like that?
It actually LOOKS quite wonderful - great friends, great family, great work, ambitious spirit, great morning rituals and self care practices, really free and adventurous life… it LOOKS pretty spectacular… but my Perception of it was completely tainted with self doubt, self hate, lack of self worth, fear and comparison.
And now…. Post Deactivation?
I haven’t felt this good in years!!
I actually feel like I must have taken a Happy Pill!
I feel more spacious, more effective, more loving and interestingly, FAR more connected. The feelings in my body are cracking my heart so wide open.
# Feel More Spacious
My energetic field is suddenly spacious. Being connected to Facebook is a really interesting energetic dance. When I open the page, I feel like my life-force is literally sucked out of my body and into a vortex of cyber energy. My Solar Plexus is suddenly tapped into all the people all over the world who are connected to FB and my energy is pulled out of my body and into the Global Collective. The pull is strong and I cannot hold my energy as my own. I am suddenly pulled into a Mass Addicted Comparative Collective and I am left feeling Exhausted, Unfulfilled and somehow Wanting More.
# Deepen Friendships
Interestingly, since Deactivating, I have felt more Fulfilled in my friendships. I realised that I was scrolling through Facebook as a means of Connecting with the world, but the world I was Connecting with isn’t Real.
Since Deactivating, I have gone back the That Archaic Form of Communicating… The Txt!! To actually see whose numbers I have in my phone, is a really good indicator of how deeply we are a part of each others lives. If you are in my phone, it is likely that we are Real Life ‘Friends’.
I have been having more Real interactions since Deactivating and these interactions have felt so nourishing and full. Pre Deactivation, I might have gone to a Broader Community Social Event, like Ecstatic Dance, and had some really Fun or Lovely connections, but if that is all it ever is, it feels somehow Incomplete. This more Deeper Human to Human Connecting feels Nourishing to my Soul.
I feel that both are important - the Deep Connects and the Butterfly Interactions, but I was finding that I was tending towards the Butterfly Interactions because they simply crossed my path and entered my feed. I didn’t need to initiate them. Deactivating has called me to take action and initiate connections in my world, rather than waiting for something to cross my feed and I feel like I am the Driver in My Life.
# Become More More Effective
Since stepping away from Facebook, my energy is clearer, my heart is more open, I am happier and so I am FAR more effective in my life. I work for myself as a Web Designer and Business Angel and have other projects building in the background. I am an Artist and a Writer and I have varied and colourful interests. With this broad and wonderful collection of Pots in my world, my energy needs to be clear and focused and it helps when I am happy and my self-love is full. Post deactivation, I am all these things.
# Let go of Comparison
Facebook is the Land of Comparison. It is a place where we see a Fleeting Moment of something shared by another and can easily take it as a Whole Picture of their life. It is a Brochure, where the Highlights are revealed and the Shadows are, for the most part, hidden. In the face of so many ‘amazing' people, offerings, events, ideas, I am often left feeling like I am not doing enough towards my bettering my life, my passions, my dreams. I am constantly feeling like I need to be more effective, more business savvy, more entrepreneurial, more prolific, more accomplished, more this or more that… I am constantly left with a sense of I Am Not Enough. Since Deactivating, this has disappeared from my field completely. I AM more effective, more savvy, more prolific, more a Natural Expression of ME. I am more self loving, more self accepting. I am just Me. And That is Enough. I am passionate and dedicated to my life and what I love - that hasn’t changed - just that my emotional sphere around it is more self loving and this creates space for More of me to Emerge. Thank god!
# Activate The Happies
I am seriously SO much happier now that I am off Facebook. All of the above things open my heart to a more Real and Delightful Experience of Life. I am more filled with Gratitude and I am more loving to Strangers. It feels like I use to feel when I was Pre Responsibility. And now, I do have Responsibilities in my world, of course, but my feeling of the weight of them is lighter, more manageable, more steady.
Life feels more Wonderful! I feel more Wonderful! Even You feel more Wonderful to Me.
More Articles By Pippa La Doube