COMEDY

The Definitive Ranking Of My Parents

Who takes the top spot?

You know them as Mr. and Mrs. McDonald. I call them mom and dad. They're obviously both near and dear to me, so ranking them is a rather absurd notion. There's no way I could ever realistically pick one over the other.

But with that being said, who's better?

 

2. My Dad

My dad throwing high and tight to me.
My dad throwing high and tight to me.

Listen, my dad is great. He's been there for me my whole life, no exception, and he continues to support me in everything I do. He is awesome.

Unfortunately, someone has to be No. 2. 

The truly fantastic thing about my dad is he'll gladly take the second spot and sacrifice Internet fame for the person at the No. 1 spot -- WHOEVER THAT MIGHT BE.

Though, he does often joke, "Second place? You mean, loser No. 1?" 

My dad has a huge collection of books and always encouraged us to read. One day, I'll give it a try. 

He also knows more about old movies than anyone I've ever met. It's an encyclopedic-like skill that I think passed me over. Rather than be knowledgable about lots of movies, I decided on just "Star Wars."

 

And now, the big reveal. Drumroll...

 

1. My Mom

Bonus points to my mom for the photo not being of her throwing something at me.
Bonus points to my mom for the photo not being of her throwing something at me.

Let's be real, who's putting their mom at No. 2? Are you insane? Yeah, let me know how that next family dinner goes.

She recycles like the Earth's life is in her hands alone. Putting an aluminum can in her garbage? It was nice knowing you.

She's a die hard NPR fan, and she has the tote bags and mugs to prove it.

She's an outstanding cook and introduced us to dishes like goulash and quiche and paella and Frogmore stew. Which, when I described it to my friends, just sounded like I was sneezing. 

Did she once call me in the middle of a work day to tell me she was shipping me a Crock-Pot? Yes. But that can hardly be considered a negative.

Congrats, mom. 

 

CONCLUSION

My parents are both amazing people. 10/10, I would be born to them again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for the lengthy phone call I'm about to receive. 

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