The more we grow, the bigger our problems get.
I remember someone saying that Richard Branson has bigger problems than the average person, because he runs a huge international business conglomerate.
It's true.
The bigger the thing you're involved with, the bigger the problems.
Since I started working in South Africa, I've had much bigger problems. It's not necessarily that I grew, like you do when growing a business, but rather that I stepped into the midst of the mess that is life in a township in South Africa.
Sometimes these days when people tell me their problems I react funnily. You see, before I came to Africa to work at a center for underprivileged children I had a lot of problems relating to myself. Did that guy like me? Did that person speak badly of me? Would I ever amount to something?
That didn't change. I still had those problems. However, I also had problems that had nothing to do with me. Like, is one of the kids I mentor dying from TB? How will we support a teacher's partner who's got terminal cancer when the teachers aren't being paid more than $35 a month? How am I going to help a kid who has been abused (emotionally, physically and sexually) and is acting it all out? How can I get a permanent residency visa so I can adopt the kids who already think I'm their mother? Maybe by raising R2.5 million for my business?
Yes, my life changed. It was no longer all about me. That did a lot for healing my ego. I found myself at peace with myself for the first time since I was a kid; when my ego was broken by circumstance I didn't know how to deal with, which led to years of depression.
Myself and Tony. Tony suffers terminal lung cancer and lives in a shack with his partner, Stacey, and two daughters. He was working as a mechanic before fell ill and Stacey donated her time to Little Angels.
I'd say a lot of depression stems from our obsession with self. Our looks. Our level of perceived success. Our need to know if others find us perfect, lovable and charming. Then suddenly you find yourself in a life or death situation, or a position where your life is about other people. Like, say, your life is about love starved children. Children who love you. And suddenly you forget all about your imperfect life. Especially as the children love you just as you are, but also because it isn't all about you anymore. Your focus is elsewhere. That alone brings a lot of happiness -- experiencing life instead of having to be someone or achieve something to feel good about yourself. Of course you still want to achieve things, but the reasons are not all connected to your ego anymore.
In my second year in Africa it wasn't all roses, though. I faced my own insecurities in a different way: I felt inadequate that I couldn't help more than I did (broken egos have a tendency to try to mess you up). Do more. Be more.
In all honesty though, some events are hard to experience. A lot of things happening around me were close to, or were, life or death type situations and I felt like I was trying to put out a massive fire with a single garden hose. I faced thoughts about life's cruelty that I battled with. I was pretty traumatized to be frank. And that's when I found it hard to hear about problems that to me sounded like a walk in the park, because my problems were really hurting me.
It was only when I realized that I didn't create all the problems, I can't solve all problems and I'm privileged to have some of them (I get to be here, helping, which is what I always wanted to do), that I started to come to terms with it. I couldn't do everything, but I could do something. So if it was only to be an emotional support to those around me. In fact, I realized that this was one of my biggest gifts -- it was what I had done in my first year and what I went back to doing.
You become a hero not always by doing extraordinary deeds, but simply by making people believe they can do extraordinary deeds. By giving someone faith in themselves you will become their hero. What people need isn't always a meal on their table, but someone who believe they can create a meal for their table, or someone who can make them believe they can deal with their emotional issues. You believe, they achieve.
As for the cruelty I experienced here -- I have long since said that true wisdom comes from accepting life for what it is and always coming back to love. You know bad things happen. You don't walk around thinking life is only good. It isn't. It can be both hard, difficult and painful at times. You don't deny that. And when negative things happen, you feel it. Then you let it go. You return to love; both what you love in life and the people who love you. Many people don't return to love. Instead they end up angry, bitter and broken. They battle with the idea of what life really is. They find it unfair.
It is unfair. But this unfair life we've been given is exactly that -- our gift. This is what we've got. Nothing else. So we can either make the most of it, or call it a day.
The funny thing is that the only way to overcome something is to accept it and let it go; move beyond it. If you fight it you hold onto it. You have to let it go. And move back to love.
The love I've received at Little Angels is like nothing I've ever experienced before.
Love is constant. Where it's coming from isn't. Places, people and things we do aren't constant - you may be forced to move, may lose people and may have to do something else if circumstance change, but you can keep returning to love. Find a new place to love. New people to love. New things to do that you love.
And this all becomes that much simpler if you have a group of people around you to support you. Because unless you're the Dalai Lama, chances are you will get caught up in circumstance at one point or another. Your problems will rule your day. And if you suffer a big loss, like a family member dying, you need as much love as possible to refuel. Having a large circle of friends and family to turn to is a blessing. It will help you realize you can, and will, always return to love.
The faces of love change, but love itself is constant. And you deserve it as much as the people you're giving it to.
Maybe that's one of the biggest lessons I've learnt here -- I can't just fight for other people's happiness, I have to have time to experience some of my own as well. Then again, helping others on their journey is often what gives me the most happiness.
On that note, I just created a fundraising campaign for one of our staff's partners at Little Angels who suffers terminal cancer. They live in a shack and can hardly afford food. Please do help if you can. More than anything though, appreciate what you have in life and when life gets hard, like when you see people you love fall ill, remember that this life is all we have. Don't get angry. Accept it for what it is. And know that the best we can do for ourselves and those around us is to return to love.
You can support Tony and his family here through our Indiegogo campaign.