Since 1923, the Disney media empire has continually launched massive successful films, one after another. The writers, directors, and producers make us feel a certain way with an almost surgical precision. They prey on our lizard brain desires for easy love without any kind of work required. So of course, the movie-going audience eats it up! The Walt Disney Corporation wouldn’t be a $50 billion dollar worldwide behemoth if the message didn’t deeply resonate with people.
The Disney Fallacy is pretty simplistic: We can go through life, without building our value, without direction, and ultimately Prince Charming or a Sleeping Beauty will simply show up, ready to be swept away. For almost a century, Disney has abided by this trope.
Let me include this as a disclaimer: it is perfectly fine to kick back, relax, and enjoy movies! It’s only when we internalize the principles and blur entertainment and personal reality. It is a prominent theme in Hollywood RomComs that everything in our dating lives can be wrapped up neatly in the course of 90 minutes. The difference with the Disney Fallacy is that it is targeted towards us as children, when we don’t know any better. By the time we reach adulthood it is firmly planted in our subconscious. As a result, it has led to a countless number of frustrated singles with skewed world views on dating and relationships.
The notion that “it will just happen” leads to people thinking “I don’t have to do anything like cultivate values, maintain physical appearance at the gym, or actively think about the traits I want in a partner”. It also flies in the face of basically every other part of our lives. In business, school, and our work, we are taught that we must lay the foundation and practice to excel.
Even the Law of Attraction states that you must consciously attune your focus on something that you greatly desire, in order to receive it. Conor McGregor used it to rise to the top of the UFC. Napoleon Hill used it to write a number of bestsellers. Because it isn’t magic, it is simply a mindset with a bias toward action and effort. It requires goal-setting and vision. Whereas, the Disney Fallacy claims you can literally be a sleeping beauty and be found by your Prince Charming.
If you truly want to meet someone worthwhile you have to decide what it is to be a great partner, first. If you were dating yourself, what would you seek? What do you yourself look for in a long-term partner? You not only have to have a gauge, but also have it calibrated. You must decide how you are going to show up in the world.
The goal is to wake up every day happy to be involved with the person and want to earn their love. That is when you both take the time to cultivate the relationship and are invested equally. Relationships can be highly rewarding and amazing ventures with someone when you both put forth due diligence. When you are both putting in effort it is nothing short of a celebration of life.
The second part of the Disney Fallacy takes another form. This form comes after you are in a relationship. It is the cause of couples who won’t even look at each other across the table at a restaurant. “Till death do us part. It doesn’t matter what kind of crazy shit or nonsense you do to me, I will stay here.” Now this may be the love you think you want, but you deserve far better. This simply isn’t a healthy approach.
If we can truly and authentically explore self before the relationship, that is when we choose our own path instead of clinging to a very outdated notion of love. Would you be happy if someone merely “showed up” or are you looking for conscientious and caring partner?
Do the work, and you will become magnetic to those who have also done the work. When you are taking the extra step to look above the crowd, that is when you will easily find the other people peering above the fray as well.
Co-Authored by Shawn Richardson. Devon Kerns is a dating and business Coach. You can find more insightful content from Devon at devonkerns.rocks. Follow Devon on Facebook, Twitter, and iTunes.