The Donald's Hands

What explains the Donald's obsession with his hands? That he waves them at us constantly is very odd considering they are the only visible parts of him that aren't huge. Just look at his prodigious mop of hair, his burgeoning bulk, his booming voice: All suggest that this is one really mammoth creature bullying us from the pulpit.

But the protrusion he would most happily like to brag about is buried in his pants. And that may be why the Groper-in-Chief can't wait to tell the world about his behavior towards women--to prove that his hands don't accurately represent what's hidden in his crotch.

The Donald's focus on size is not just limited to his physical attributes. It also influences his concept of architecture. Trump would obviously like to claim the tallest building in the world. Since that structure already exists (the Burj Khalifa in Dubai), he has no choice but to exaggerate the number of floors in his various towers. The NY Times tells us that the Donald built one living complex with a high lobby ceiling, and then established the first apartment floor as number 34. With that kind of architectural resourcefulness, you can own pretend to have built an elevator to the moon

If, God forbid, Trump should manage to get in, he would have to do something about the dwarfish six-level White House. He'll no doubt build a tower on it, starting on the hundredth floor.