The Emperor Has No Vocabulary

Mastering the Art of Incoherence

Somewhere in this world, my eighth-grade English teacher ― and everybody else of that generation who valued and revered the form, function and proper use of the English language ― are rolling over in their graves.

The mean-spirited, petty, and unhinged laughingstock who currently occupies the Oval Office held a press conference Thursday afternoon. Excerpts of that press conference are widely available anywhere online and probably up on a billboard in parts unknown, being effectively used as recruitment tools for ISIS.

Suffice it to say that it was a shameful stampede of marauding, unintelligible lunacy.

At this point, we are not expecting Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address or King’s “I Have a Dream” speech to flow from the perennially-puckered mouth of Donald J. Trump.

We’d settle for one fully-formed sentence with an ascertainable beginning, middle and end.

His ability to drown out reason with a steady, pernicious flow of babble and blather effectively demoralizes everyone within earshot.

Instead, the unbridled gobbledygook that spews forth from this president is so incomprehensible that it can bring a roomful of seasoned reporters to their knees. Throughout his nefarious career, Trump has somehow managed to weaponize gibberish and tortured syntax, creating chaos all around him with one of his most frequently-wielded tools: consummate drivel.

He’s like a Jabberwocky terrorist.

His ability to drown out reason with a steady, pernicious flow of babble and blather effectively demoralizes everyone within earshot. He brandishes nonsense like a flamethrower, basically torching his listeners with an unstoppable barrage of disconcerting and creepy, cryptic crap. It’s why an impressive assemblage of hard-bitten, savvy reporters looked as though they needed a blankie, a ba-ba, a binky and a jumbo-sized bottle of Excedrin by the time he was through.

I’m not alone in my observation that this is something we’ve never seen before in a world leader. To be seduced by great and powerful oratory is one thing. To be rendered dumbstruck by incoherent inanity is quite another.

I don’t know what it will take for the sycophantic fools and followers of this stammering Stalin to finally cry uncle. Apparently, a flagrant display of nonsense, asininity, and stunning ignorance does not suffice.

All I know is that this dangerous buffoon, whose mastery of the art of indecipherable doublespeak just awarded him the keys to this asylum, is a sneering disgrace to our nation - not to mention the sad, smoldering remains of intelligent discourse everywhere.

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