I can’t do it. I can’t go. I can’t help you, sorry.
Can’t never could, as my mom always said.
Can’t is, more often than not, an excuse. There are a multitude of reasons why we don’t simply say, “No” or “I don’t want to.”
Fear is a substantial reason- fear of failing, fear of succeeding, fear of rejection, fear of losing, fear of raising the expectations, fear of judgment, fear of repeating past hurts. Fear is paralyzing because it makes us vulnerable and we equate vulnerable with weak.
We admire the fearless. The people who despite failing, pain, judgment just keep going towards their dreams. But that’s them, not us. We could never, could we?
“Can’t” is a lie. “I am scared” is not.
Many men and women have overcome tremendous adversity to achieve stupendous goals. Yet we hide behind the fear and excuses from shining our own light and achieving our dreams. What makes them different from us?
They had nothing to lose.
Until you get to the point that you’re not afraid of losing, you’ll hide. I’ve this with people in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, but the fear of losing their material possessions, social status, and risk “never being loved gain” keeps them put. People who hate their jobs stay for fear of not making the same income doing what they love. And people who hate being overweight but are too afraid to lose the weight and receive attention.
Courage and faith are needed to take that next step. Courage to listen to the longing of your soul. Courage to explore the lessons in past experiences, show up in the present and try to make the best choice in the moment. Courage to say, “I’m scared and I have no idea what will happen, but I am here now and willing to discover what awaits.”
Faith to trust that maybe things won’t turn out the way you hope, but will always turn out brilliantly if you stay true to your souls longing. Faith that you know more, have more ability and strength than you could imagine. Faith that things just work out in serendipitous ways. Faith that every little thing’s gonna be alight.
Start being mindful of what’s really going on when you say “I can’t”. What is needed to be honest about how you really feel? Start taking small steps to courageously and honestly say how you really feel. Hiding behind “I can’t” will keep you isolated, stuck, and resentful. You deserve better than that. Reframing “I can’t” is empowering and confidence building. Courage, faith, and honesty, much like a muscle, gets stronger the more you use it. Flex frequently.
If you like this, take Wendy’s “I can” Challenge for 7 days. It’s free here.