The Evolution Of A Run

Okay. It’s go time. That’s right, feet. We’re really moving, now! Look at me. I’m running!
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
Pexels.com

Article originally published on Truly Simply Healthy

I think I feel like running today. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I really feel like I can do it today. I’m just going to go for it, ya know? Who cares how fast I am or how far I go? I really think I’ll surprise myself at how far I go. I’m not even going to worry about it or look at my Fitbit while I’m out there. I’m going to just go. Just run. For as far as I can. I’ll look at my distance when I’m done. I’m going to be amazed. I bet I get at least three miles in. Or two. But it’ll definitely be at least one. I bet it’s one and a half. Yeah, that sounds like a nice little run. Get myself back into the swing of things.

Hey neighbors! Yeah, it’s me. I’m going for a run. I’m just walking to the end of my street. Then the real workout begins.

I hope they don’t notice my shorts riding up my crotch.

“I’m going to be amazed. I bet I get at least three miles in. Or two. But it’ll definitely be at least one. I bet it’s one and a half. Yeah, that sounds like a nice little run.”

Okay. It’s go time. That’s right, feet. We’re really moving, now! Look at me. I’m running!

Man it’s hot. I didn’t realize how hot it was outside. It was a lot cooler earlier, wasn’t it? That’s okay. It’s summer. This is a nice day. A lot of people like the heat. The more I sweat, the more effective this will feel.

I’m thirsty.

Oh my God. I didn’t realize how big of a hill this is. It doesn’t look that big and I should know… I drive on this street every day.

The heat. It sucks. It’s seriously so hot outside.

This song. I hate this song. Crap. I have to change it but my phone is on my arm. Crap. Okay, I can do this. I can maneuver things and still run.

Look at me, that took some talent! This song is better. I forgot T-Pain existed. Oh. I should probably stop waving my hands like that.

“Hey, I recognize that car. Act cool. Act natural. You do this all the time. You totally belong out here.”

God I hate this. Everything hurts. I can’t breathe. Okay, practice your breaths. One, two. One, two. That’s it. That should help.

IT’S NOT HELPING!

It’s a million degrees outside, and I can’t breathe. I think I probably have asthma. This isn’t smart. No one is around. What if I pass out?

Hey, I recognize that car. Act cool. Act natural. You do this all the time. You totally belong out here.

My legs can’t take this. WHEN DOES THIS HILL END?!

I need to stop.

DON’T STOP!

I have to.

NO! You can do this. It’s all in your head. Get over the mental part. You know you can do this.

I can do this. Get to the stop sign and you can stop.

I CAN’T DO THIS!

Okay stop. Oh my gosh. That’s already so much better.

Except that walking sucks. My legs are so tired. I’m going to pretend I’m messing with my phone and then I can really stop and take a break.

“My legs are like Jello. Jello sounds good. Especially with whipped cream. Man, I haven’t had that in a while. Reminds me of ice cream. Ice cream definitely sounds better.”

Okay. I’ve gone 0.5 miles. If I turn around and go home now, that will be one mile.

One mile is good.

One mile is respectable.

I’ll just walk a few steps and then run again.

It’s downhill. It will be easier.

It’s not easier!

Oh my God, I’m so tired. I have to walk.

That feels nice. My legs are like Jello. Jello sounds good. Especially with whipped cream. Man, I haven’t had that in a while. Reminds me of ice cream. Ice cream definitely sounds better.

Seriously, my calves are on fire.

I wonder if I’ve burned enough calories for ice cream. Ugh. I haven’t, I know I haven’t. Maybe if I don’t eat dinner I can have some ice cream.

I’ve probably burned at least 200 calories, right?

I’m gonna look.

54?! 54 calories?! That’s absurd! I don’t think this Fitbit is working. That can’t be right.

When will I be home?! I just want to be done.

Hey neighbors. Yeah, I’m back. Don’t judge me! Maybe I only had a quick 20 minutes before I needed to be somewhere important, and I decided to spend that time running. You don’t know me!

Stop looking at me!

They can tell my shorts are riding up. I’ll just do a side step. They’ll never know.

That was so obvious.

“Hey neighbors. Yeah, I’m back. Don’t judge me! Maybe I only had a quick 20 minutes before I needed to be somewhere important, and I decided to spend that time running. You don’t know me!”

Oh thank you, Lord. I can see my house. Just a little further now.

This air conditioning feels amazing. It was just too hot. It had to be the heat. Who can do anything in heat like this?

I bet it was a lack of caffeine. That’s gotta be it.

Tomorrow I’ll drink more coffee before I go out. I can probably get in a couple of miles with some more caffeine in my system.

Oh crap! I forgot to take a picture for Instagram.