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The Flesh-Colored Turtleneck

Eyelids. Thighs. Raw chicken. It is acceptable for these items to be flesh-colored. Jeans? Shirts? Any other article of clothing? Please, put some clothes on. Oh, wait... you're wearing clothes? Then, please, put some different clothes on.
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I almost choked on my dinner the other night when a girl walked into the restaurant without any pants on.

"Oh my God, that girl is half naked!" I whispered to my friend.

As the girl came closer, however, it turned out she was wearing hot pants. Teeny, tiny hot pants.

"Who would wear those hot pants in public?" I hissed in disgust.

Upon further gawking, we realized that Hot Pants was actually wearing snug-fitting, flesh-colored jeans.

"Who would ever choose to wear a piece of tight, flesh-colored clothing?" I demanded when suddenly, from the depths of my memory, I recalled this picture:

2016-03-22-1458677588-2844997-fleshcoloredshirt.jpg

That's me.

Wearing a snug-fitting, flesh-colored turtleneck.

When I was fourteen, I traveled to Norway and while shopping for souvenirs in Oslo, I spotted a clothing store. Curious to see if Norwegian clothing was different from American clothing, I peeked inside. There weren't many differences, but there was a sale so I browsed the racks looking for something in my size. All I found was a plum-colored slip dress and this turtleneck. Once stateside, I wore the two pieces together with motorcycle boots and a teddy bear necklace. (Because I was a sexy beast.)

Eventually, I mustered up the courage to wear the turtleneck on its own with a pair of jeans and when I made it through the day without any comments I thought I was home free. It wasn't until a couple months later that a classmate told me that he thought I looked topless in the shirt when he spotted me from a distance.

Rule: High school girls who have already been gawked at enough for their bodies do NOT under any circumstances want to appear half naked to their classmates.

So with that, I donated the birthday suit to Goodwill.

Moral of the story

Eyelids. Thighs. Raw chicken. It is acceptable for these items to be flesh-colored.

Jeans? Shirts? Any other article of clothing? Please, put some clothes on.

Oh, wait... you're wearing clothes?

Then, please, put some different clothes on.