The Four Worst Anti-Gay Marriage Arguments Ever

FILE - In an  Aug. 22, 2013 file photo, Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear addresses the audience at the 50th annual Kentucky Countr
FILE - In an Aug. 22, 2013 file photo, Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear addresses the audience at the 50th annual Kentucky Country Ham Breakfast in Louisville, Ky. The Democratic governor is touting Kentucky’s neutrality on labor matters as “a positive sales point” for attracting automotive investment, particularly in contrast to the turmoil in Tennessee, where GOP officials have pulled out all the stops in what may yet be an unsuccessful effort to keep the United Auto Workers from gaining collective bargaining rights Volkswagen’s plant in Chattanooga. (AP Photo/Timothy D. Easley, File)

Michigan says that they don't want to let gay people get married because that would be demeaning to gay people. Kentucky says that their marriage ban isn't discriminatory, since LGBTs are free to get straight-married. Ohio wants to maintain its marriage ban out of concern for the people who voted for it. And Tennessee is just fixated on sex.

Four states will have to defend their marriage bans before the U.S. Supreme Court this month, and all four are still scrambling to figure out exactly how they're going to pull that off. They filed a series of briefs with the court last week that are full of weird claims and arguments that just don't make sense. Kentucky says that its marriage ban doesn't discriminate, since gay couples are still free to marry someone of the opposite sex. This is exactly the same argument that was used to justify bans on interracial marriage, and it's essentially saying: "You're free to do whatever you want, as long as you actually do something else."

Michigan's brief is even crazier. They say that gaining marriage equality through a court order, rather than a popular vote, would be demeaning to gay couples. So, thanks, Michigan, for your concern. Tennessee is sticking with the argument that if gay couples can get married, then straight couples will stop raising children in stable families, somehow. And Ohio says that overturning the marriage ban would cause the people who voted for it to feel isolated. Sure.

Those four states will be going up against Mary Bonauto and Doug Hallward-Driemeier on April 28th. Mary's a longtime champion of marriage equality. She won the case that brought marriage to Massachusetts in 2004, and the case that overturned DOMA in 2013. Doug has argued fourteen times before the Supreme Court, and is a former Assistant U.S. Solicitor General. Those marriage bans aren't going to know what hit them.