This idea may strike some people as utter folly but I think it's time for anational "throwback" Halloween.
In the sports world, throwback games feature both teams wearing uniformsthat replicate styles and color schemes from the early decades of the 20thcentury. Just once before the Grim Reaper comes calling, I'd like to seeHalloween stripped of all modern contrivances and returned to its roots asan occasion for American children to have some harmless fun with spookycharacters and supernatural legends.
There will be a few simple rules and Number 1 is that costume options arelimited to the following: ghost, witch, skeleton, devil, and anything thatfalls into the category of the un-dead. Throwback Halloween will keep itsfocus on paranormal themes and I will enforce that standard with Draconian,or perhaps I should say Dracula-onian, ruthlessness.
Therefore, under Rule 1, the Frankenstein monster is costume-worthy, alongwith werewolves, vampires, zombies, and mummies. Cowboys, pirates, andother popular historical icons are out. Ditto for space aliens and superheroes. They have no connection to creepy graveyards, haunted houses, orother venues of the spirit world.
Rule Number 2 is that trick-or-treating is only for the younger crowd, ademographic segment I would say includes everyone up to and including 7thgraders. Teenagers above the cutoff will have to sit this one out, but thatshouldn't cause lasting emotional damage. Really, kids, think about it:students in 8th grade and high school don't want to have their picturestaken sitting on Santa's lap, right?
Rule Number 3 prohibits beer companies from using Halloween in TVcommercials. They have plenty of opportunities to laud their libations thistime of year during every telecast of major league baseball and the NFL.Taking an event that's been traditionally celebrated mainly by children andmorphing it into a vehicle for boosting alcohol consumption brings newmeaning to the term "evil spirits." The advertising honchos who dreamed upthis strategy should be exiled to a weekend retreat in the underworld.
Rule Number 4 may be the most controversial because it limits porch and yarddecorations to jack-o'-lanterns and simple props such as cotton spiderwebsand mock gravestones. No brilliant strobe lights, smoke machines, orblaring sound systems.
Astute critics reading this will say, "Wait! How can you propose to givethis event back to little folks when you haven't asked any of them how theyfeel about it?" Point taken. I totally accept the possibility that theyoungest generation will find my throwback suggestions frighteningly boringand lame.
I just thought it might be nice, one last time, to give all participants thefeeling of a nocturnal stroll through Sleepy Hollow, not Times Square. Andyes, I realize this makes me sound like one of those old duffers in a
Twilight Zone
episode who want to flee back to an earlier period of life.Some of those guys disappeared in the final scene, but that option isn't oneI'm going to pursue.
If, however, a throwback Halloween really did happen, I can picture myselfwaving goodbye while the final group of goblins depart from my front door,their voices slowly fading into the distance. As the street becomes silent,I would carefully blow out the candles in each pumpkin. A black cat mightscurry across the lawn. And then I would sit down on the porch steps andlet the night close in around me, watching shadows that seem to change shapein the moonlight, and listening for things that go bump in the dark.