The Great Law of Attraction Hoax (& what to do about it)

This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
<p><a href="http://estherfink.com/" target="_blank" role="link" rel="nofollow" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="estherfink.com" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="58484f10e4b0cc9e7cf5dd02" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://estherfink.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="article_body" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0">estherfink.com</a></p>

Did I just call the law of attraction a hoax?

Nah. What I meant to say is that I, we, have lost out on a missing piece or two on how to get what you want. How to achieve any goal.

Do you get what you want, from start to finish by trying to ‘think it into being? Maybe it seems like it’s working at first.

You imagine and decide what you want.

Then you start your project, writing a book, working out, deciding to date, build your own business, etc. and you start seeing results.

You’re doing it!

And then…

You stop.

The adrenaline rush of a new beginning is gone. What happened to the law of attraction? You’re not attracting it anymore.

Maybe you peter out slowly, feeding yourself all kinds of lines about all the good reasons you quit. Oh, they're really great reasons too.

And how you’ll get back to it one day.

  • You may tell yourself horrid things about what a loser you are.
  • Why can’t you just get started and keep doing it?
  • What happened to the Law of Attraction? You are thinking such amazing thoughts!
  • Why did you slow down, stall, stop?
  • How do all those other people that succeed at what you’re trying to do make it look easy?
  • Why can’t you be like the people on Facebook that are achieving their goals and documenting their success for all to see?

Let’s start with what it is that you want to do, get, accomplish.

For me, it’s completing blog posts for my readers, and working on writing books so I could be like JK Rowling and Stephen King, knocking them out and sharing them with millions.

In my imagination, a real writer does not let anything stop them. A real writer keeps a vision of her name on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Then I imagine that real writers have this magic spirit that keeps them going, through their lunch hours, crying kids, bad marriages, lack of money or lack of love.

They think it and it comes.

I imagine that they keep writing pretty effortlessly, yet I found out that it’s not like that for them at all. There is more to it than thinking their work into being.

Here’s what used to happen to me. I would start by thinking about a book I wanted to write. I said affirmations, smiled at myself in the mirror and said,

“Yes, you can do it”.

Then I would head out to the corner breakfast place, where the cheap coffee came with free refills, and the window faced the shopping center’s parking lot. At the next table there would usually be a mom with her kid fussing about in a highchair.

I didn’t pay attention to any of this when starting a new writing project because my excitement and determination was so strong. The law of attraction was working. I would get a few great writing sessions in that were focused and productive.

Then I start noticing that it got harder to keep working on my project. I would feel irritated when I wasn't sure of the direction I was going in, and it just felt like work.

Not the fun, creative, vibrating-off-the-page kind of writing anymore.

‘Something must be wrong’, I thought, because it’s not easy and exciting anymore.

What happened to the law of attraction? All that thinking, believing in myself, imagining myself at the podium of Harvard telling everyone how it’s done?

I would stop, wrap up my stuff and leave the cafe and join the loser section of the world with everyone else and their half finished projects.

I would tell myself,

‘I will come back tomorrow’, refreshed,

or ‘ I have to find another writing spot,

or 'get more sleep’.

I found myself slumping after my initial high of starting.

There’s a sad bunch of unfinished projects on my laptop in the slush pile called ‘amazing writing that I stopped when it wasn’t easy anymore’.

So here’s the big question:

What is the follow up piece of the law of attraction?

How do you keep going and see your project, goal, writing, workout goal, etc. through until the end when the going gets boring, hard, stuck?

I have a horrible answer.

One I have avoided for years and years.

Most of the law of attraction teachings leave out a some very important pieces.

What they don’t tell you:

1) The #1 hidden piece: It’s HARD. Don’t be fooled by how easy it looks when others talk about getting and doing what it is you want.

When you accept this, and let go of the idea that you can just think it into being, it’s actually very reassuring. Because when it gets hard and you tell yourself that its normal for it to be hard, that it’s supposed to be hard, you feel on track and you keep going.

When you expect it to be easy and then it gets hard, you stop - because you think maybe you’re on the wrong path.

This is what separates the people for whom the law of attraction works, and those for whom it does not work:

Definitely imagine your dream, goal and desires first. That is what the law of attraction requires.

Then hunker down and hustle.

2) Mt. Everest is not meant to be climbed alone.

Neither is writing a book, deciding to run a marathon, or starting a business, or even improving a relationship.

FIRST: The law of attraction DOES start in your own mind, in your own heart and soul. It’s yours alone.

THEN: There’s always a guide that knows the path you're heading towards intimately. Let THEM guide you.

There’s a relationship coach that studied men and women for 20+ years, let her show you what she learned. (I love Alison Armstrong for this. She’s a relationship genius).

There are Business coaches out there online offering free and paid content. There are writing coaches (me) that can guide you to start and complete any writing project you desire and to get published.

So, It may look like others have it all together and are pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. They’re not. Stephen King had his wife, Tabitha, who was a writer too, look over and critique all his writing. The President has tons of coaches and advisors, as does every athlete and really anyone that wants to make a BIG impact in some area.

3) You are great at SOME things, you’re not good at EVERYTHING. Just because you succeed in certain areas of your life on your own and it’s easy to self motivate, you may find that you need support in another area that is hard for you.

I could get myself up day in and day out at 4:30 AM and blog, and complete my writing projects without a coach by now. I had a few writing and blogging coaches, not anymore. I self motivate myself 100% and have been published many times over.

So I thought if I could do that, I could coach myself towards any goal.

So when I wanted to run a 5K, I tried it myself. I signed up for a race, paid the fee and got myself a new pair of sneakers.

Did I do it?

NO. I did not even work out once.

  • Paying for the race did not help.
  • Buying a treadmill did not help.
  • Telling all my social media friends what I was doing did not help.
  • The doctor telling me I needed to work out did not help.
  • So I hired a running coach, and I went from heavy breathing climbing 5 stairs to running 6+ miles a week.

It’s still hard for me to run. Really hard. But I do it, because someone is there coaching me and running right beside me. Giving me tips and pointers and encouraging my every single step.

And most importantly - reminding me that it IS hard. And that I have my reasons for running, and reminding me what they are. When I want to give up, there is someone there to support me in continuing and I am so grateful.

The #1 Way to start and stick to your goal all the way through is to work with someone that has done it and can support you step by step.

To be accountable to someone.

To be encouraged and motivated when you feel like stopping.

To want what they have.

I do this for others as a writing and life planning coach very successfully.

Here are 9 things to do when you have a goal that you find yourself unable to begin, or find yourself stuck after a good start.

1) Get a coach that has success in the area that you want to set a goal in.

2) Self Awareness. Is this goal something you really want? Or are you doing it for some other reason. Think about it.

3) Admit that it’s hard. When you own that it’s hard work, you stop hating that it’s hard. You expect it, and you work through it, and begin feeling immense satisfaction in your doing something that’s admittedly hard for you.

4) Pay attention to those that have success in the area you are seeking success. Reach out to them, offer to do something for them for free, get to know them on social media. Or just be inspired by them.

5) Double down on what it is you want to accomplish. Be like a dog on a bone. Don’t do it halfway. Hunker. Attack. Focus.

5) Why? Know your ‘why’ at all times. Why are you doing what you’re doing? When my running coach sees me slowing down, he says, ‘remember why you’re doing this’, and I think of the guy that put me down, the friend that ignored my request, the dress I want to fit into, and I take off like a rocket down the track no matter how tired I am.

6) Gratitude. Every page you write, every bit of inspiration you find, any help you get, even if it’s a penny on the ground, say ‘thank you’. Live in gratitude no matter where you are on your journey. Gratitude is magical. Even though you have a destination you’re trying to reach, it’s all a journey.

7) Regret. Think of past regrets to motivate yourself to do something different. You can’t change the past but you could invent your future. What have you started and not completed? What do you regret in your life? Don’t let this new project, relationship goal, writing, new business, etc. be part of your life regrets. You can change it now.

8) Break the rules, don’t listen to naysayers. The things you want to accomplish may have a set of rules, spoken or unspoken. Break them as you like. A writer need not be an editor or know how to spell. An overweight person can start running, you can date before you have your life plan together, you can build a business without every single thing in place first.

When you get the support for whatever it is you want to achieve, it can all come together in an order that is your own unique path.

9) The hustle is REAL. Don’t expect it to be easy and flashy like the movies, like your brother in law, like your co-worker or person on Facebook with all the perfect pictures. Embrace the imperfection of life (even if it’s annoying to do so, and you want it to be perfect).

So go ahead and dream. Your dreams can come true. Your passions are real and are within your reach.

Accept the hustle and make the decision.

The decision to achieve your goals and not:

toss yet another blog post,

another sketch,

another business idea,

another potential partner

…aside into the slush pile of life’s disappointments.

You truly can accomplish your goals.

Find someone that believes in you, that has done it, and can climb the climb with you.

It’s within arms reach. If you think it, believe it, and work for it with someone that has done it, you could do anything.

Anything.

(I would love to hear what it is YOU would like to accomplish)

Before You Go

Popular in the Community