Tony Gore and the Hunger Games

Earlier this week, I introduced you to Tony Gore, the independent candidate for whom I will be voting in the 2012 presidential election. He's not in the pocket of Corporate America. He's not beholden to special interests. He's a man of the people and most importantly -- he makes me laugh.

The core principal of his campaign strategy:

Fight With Funny

In my previous post, I shared Tony's position on the jobs crisis that our nation is facing. His innovative solutions go beyond the hackneyed talking points and painful rhetoric that the other candidates for the nation's highest office spout of with increasing frequency.

But Tony's just getting started. As the GOP faces the inevitable quagmire of whether NotRomney can deny certain victory to "the Stormin' Mormon," our very own NotObama is talking tough on the issues of the day.

Here now, I present his solution to the hunger crisis that so many Americans are facing:

Black America faces several problems today -- Internet racism, real racism, hunger and The Hunger Games.

But I'm gonna tell you what the real problem is. We ain't got no damn sammich shops. Where can a hungry black person buy a sammich and download a bootleg copy of The Hunger Games on the Internet without having to read Go Back To Africa. Rich peoples gots the quizmo's and the whatchmacallit. What, they think we don't like sammiches?! I like sammichs. I like reuben and egg salad and Philly steak on pimento cheese. I like cucumber, grill cheese, BLT, onion sammich, corn chip and mayo, PB and J, corn beef Reuben, fried bologna, friend bologna with mustard, friend bologna with cheese, and it could be any kind of cheese, it could be gouda, it could be Swiss, it could be pimento loaf, pepper jack, or greens, you could put the greens on it, I like lettuce myself, but some peoples prefer romaine, iceberg, kale, spinach. By the time I walk all the way over to the store to get a sandwich I ain't even hungry no more. I'm horny. Now I'm walking round town wearing my hoodie, with an erection and a chicken sammich and that ain't safe.

Geraldo Rivera, a.k.a the Hispanic Super Mario, said, "I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin's death as George Zimmerman was." Can you imagine what would happen if I had a hoodie, a white breast meat sammich and an erection?

How in the hell you gonna shoot somebody for having a piece cotton on their head and threatening you with Skittles and iced tea? You can't even say Skittles and sound tough or scary. If one man offers another man some of his Skittles he might get arrested for solicitation. Even if the rapper Ice-T was standing with Trayvon that still ain't threatening. Ice-T lives in a white house in a white neighborhood with a white woman with the biggest titties I have ever seen. He ain't hungry or horny, he's happy.

We need more sammichs, more sex and laughter. That's why I'm running for president. Nobody is ever mad at anybody when they stomach is full and they mouth is open from laughing or they having a screaming orgasm. If you elect me as your president I promise to focus all my energy on both. If I ever make you cum from laughing I will be the greatest president to ever live.

My name is Tony Gore and I approve this message.

For more from Tony Gore, check out the following links!