Three months ago, in Bentonville, Arkansas, Republican Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump reported that the judge handling a class-action lawsuit against Trump University "happens to be Spanish." He later explained that although "the Hispanics love me," they do not like the wall that he wants to build along the U.S.-Mexican border to keep murderers, rapists, and drug dealers like them from sneaking into the country. The likely GOP nominee complained that the presumably-Spanish judge, who was born in Indiana, is "a hater" because he also "happens to be Mexican." Therefore, he "should be ashamed of himself" for disagreeing with Mr. Trump's view of the case.
The Code of Conduct for United States Judges prohibits a presiding justice from issuing ex parte commentary on a case so reporters have still not been able to confirm the degree of shame experienced by the judge. Yet, as the GOP nominee's supporters proudly note, during the Super Tuesday primaries held just a few days after the real estate mogul's Arkansas discussion about corporate justice in America, three million Republicans were able to shamelessly cast their ballots for Mr. Trump, handing him victories in nearly twice as many states as all of his rivals combined.
Buoyed by a subsequent endorsement from Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, one of the highest ranking Republicans in the country, Mr. Trump enthusiastically disclosed the hating judge's Hispanic ingredients once again during a raucous rally in San Diego on May 27th. A few days later, on June 2nd, the powerful Republican Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, issued his own endorsement while the triumphant Mr. Trump was repeating his warning about the judge's Spanishness during a sober interview with the Wall St. Journal. The following morning, Speaker Ryan felt compelled to elaborate on the really rich nominee's remarks, explaining that doing and saying racist things doesn't make someone a racist. Neither McConnell nor Ryan are believed to be Mexican, which is fine.
Outside one of his campaign rallies, the presumptive Republican nominee allocated a special section to anti-Trump protesters so that they could voice their opposition undetected. Herded behind a padlocked chain-link fence and beneath coils of barbed-wire imported from China, one mocha-shaded activist expressed concern that the candidate's stance on the environment would hasten Climate Change.
Fearing a global rise in temperature that could eventually turn the activist a rusty bronze color for months at a time, he denounced Mr. Trump's environmental policies as a ploy to out minorities who are trying to pass themselves off as Americans. In retaliation, he is considering filing a legal action that would require the restoration of the original German "f" in the billionaire's name. The lawsuit would also challenge Mr. Trumpf's self-proclaimed whiteness.
"No one can find a photograph of Mr. Trumpf without makeup because he's not wearing makeup," the potential litigant claimed, though he later admitted that tagging him with facial fuchsia is too purply-pinkish as an alternative to white. "Still, whatever he is," the man insisted, "the dude belongs with people of colors because that whiteness thing ain't happening."
When told that Mr. Trumpf's birth certificate indicated that his race is Caucasian, the challenger whispered, "How do we know it's real?" Locked inside the Trumpf-inspired border fence encircling the First Amendment, he quietly inched away from the dissidents huddled along the perimeter in order to avoid eavesdropping by the Second Amendment red hats on the other side. Leaning in conspiratorially close as if disclosing the GOP candidate's actual net worth, he said: "You never see a white guy go into a poor neighborhood telling everybody that he's rich. He doesn't want anyone asking for his money, taking his money, even thinking about his money. Every white guy in a poor neighborhood says he's broke. So when I watch Donald Trumpf talking to a whole crowd of broke people, bragging about how rich he is, I'm thinking there's no way that guy is white."
Watch Mr. Trumpf, who happens to be German, and
Senate testimony by the Judge, who happens to be Mexican
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