Can hateful words be turned against themselves and become, instead, a vehicle for amity and compassion? The poem recited in the video above, and transcribed below, seeks to answer that question. A remix of the last words of Elliot Rodger, it uses every word Rodger spoke in his final YouTube video, and no more. (For those who don't wish to view Rodger's video, a transcript of it is here.)
A note below the YouTube video linked to above reads as follows:
The aim of this metamodern poem is to turn on their heads those words of hatred Elliot Rodger left behind him as he exited this world. A remix of the words Rodger used in his final YouTube video, the poem uses each and every word Rodger spoke in that hateful oration--and no more. The author condemns in the strongest terms both the words and the actions of Elliot Rodger; the aim here is to rescue language from a perversion of language, not to glorify an individual whose actions were incontrovertibly evil. Please note that this poem is an address to, not an address from, Elliot Rodger.
Life has attracted me, life has denied me; forced me to give, forced me to take; spoiled me, tried me, hit me; desired me like a girlfriend, treated me like a sex crime. I will never give up. I will never be stuck inside life. I deserve better than that. I deny the annihilation of years. Of years' revenge against me. They are going; I have been.
Hate is wretched; retribution, hedonistic. Not everyone experiences affection, and loneliness is torturous, but unfulfilled desires are not an injustice. To endure utter loneliness, then rejection, then obnoxious brutes is a mercy because it is, finally, life. Existence. Humanity, in its puberty.
Isla Vista: Such lives I see there! An alpha-male slut at the University of California-Santa Barbara! The very hottest live show! (Sexual!) Two happy blond girls at the fair! (The two of you, by yourselves!) Will Rodger, eight and too popular! A house for slaughtering! (If you enter, will you be rejected?) A single guy! (Hi, single person!) Virgin girls! Those girls who advance towards themselves, only to turn upon those selves! A better me! The will to wait for exactly what I deserve!
Sorority girls do not punish you; you punish you.
In college, I had it in my power to destroy a sorority house. To reduce it like a god. And it was unworthy of me. I'm a gentleman! (Not sexually active, but no one and nothing is perfect.) Girls have never been attracted to me -- and rightfully so -- but, I love girls. I'm attracted to them still. So much.
Can sex be fun? Yes. Yet if you think of the species as disgusting and depraved, you'll see sex as a crime. (God made animals; God annihilated animals. Is that a crime? Can the mouse know pleasure? Loneliness? What of you? Can you know pleasure? True pleasure? Do you deserve to be annihilated for that?)
I looked down. (All have had to.)
I looked up. (All have had to.)
I looked into me. (All have to.)
One, two, three, into the well!
And in the well: For, against; up, down; these, these instead; why, because; would, actually; in, through; more, half; would, have; exacting, other; all of it, all of you; to, for; on, after; they, your; this, there; my, their; these, those; I, you. Hate, slaughter, and retribution; hate, slaughter, and retribution. They throw you, you throw them.
If I make time for this, I will never have blond girls come on to me every time I go out. I will never deserve it. (Do I ever? Since when?)
I have my will.
All those who have rejected me, and all those who've loved me, suffer. In life, all suffer. Superior, inferior -- all pay for living. You. Me. Popular college kids. All girls. All men. A fair life? I don't see it in any video. Not in 22 years have I.
And I love you.
For you gave you. All of you.
You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You.
All of you.
I gave, too.
And mountains. And rivers. And animals. Long streets. Every single girl. Every single man. (Even obnoxious men!)
I love this day. And tomorrow. And living. And scum. And blood and such. And all I've ever wanted, and all I've ever not wanted. All kids. All girls. All great men. All men. All skulls of men.
All have wanted affection. All have wanted adoration. All have. You have.
But you can never be forgiven now.
To the last day of humanity, you will never have kissed a girl. To the last day, you will be a virgin. You will rot for years on years. Rot in an old truth: that time will give you exactly what you deserve.
Compared to you, they've been just.
They join one another: still, supreme.
I am here. (You waited a while; so will I.)
All things stop at "I."
"I have my will."
"I showed my will. I treated you to it. I have been it. I am it."
"I am that which I have been. I am all of it. All of that. All the while. Every while. I am I, and of I."
Of. Of. Of.