Things are heating up as this season begins winding down. Andre is stressed out with both his restaurant responsibilities and the playoffs, Pete is all about getting to the beach house, and Taco has found a new weed to ingest... obsessively.
Pete heads to Andre's office to meet him for lunch, encountering a post-op bandaged woman in the waiting room in the process. Excited for her burgeoning pretty face, Pete asks her on a date, which she accepts. Typical vapid Pete. Wouldn't have him any other way. Andre is still freaking out over his league because he's worried he won't be able to take out the powerhouse that is Russell. As the gang later discusses at Gibson's, Russell is unstoppable lately with fantasy football. He's turned his sex addiction into league addiction. The gang realizes they need to push Russell off the football bandwagon and back onto the sex bandwagon. They play dirty. I like it.
After a wildly successful date with the hot, newly un-bandaged girl, Emma, Pete is flying. He joins the gang at Ménage a Cinq and Andre lays down the law on how Pete needs to treat Emma. As her doctor, this somehow gives Andre the authority to dictate how Emma should be courted. He coaches Pete and convinces him to take her on a romantic dinner date. Andre might be a moron with some things but I'll give him some props here -- he does know how to woo a chick. Now if only he knew how to dress properly... and not say weird sh*t.
At the brothel that is the EBDbBnB, Taco and Kevin have concocted a plan to get Russell into the EBDbBnB so he gets seduced by Crazy Tiffany and in turn, loses the playoffs. The plan fails miserably and almost leads to full-fledged sexual assault on Kevin. Russell is too far gone down the road of sobriety to succumb to Crazy Tiffany. Luckily, Taco isn't.
After another successful date with Emma, this time courtesy of Andre's tips, Pete is thrilled. He thanks Andre, who not only takes credit for the date idea but also for all of Emma's, um, assets. This leads Pete to get super uncomfortable, especially when he and Emma start hooking up. Andre's all up in Pete's head now and Pete can't stop hearing Andre's voice while things heat up. Everything reaches the weird apex when Emma disrobes and Pete imagines Andre's face on her nipples.Talk about a boner killer. Pete freaks out and leaves Emma half-naked.
Emma goes to Ménage a Cinq to talk to Andre after Pete abandons her because of the Andre weirdness in his head. She runs into Russell and explains her situation. Russell consoles her first with wine... and then his body. It didn't take much but Emma pulled Russell back onto the nympho bandwagon right quick. Plastic surgery, for the win.
It's opening night at Ménage a Cinq and Russell's been MIA since Sunday. The gang is hanging out to celebrate with Andre but obviously the league takes precedence in conversation. Kevin's bitter about being in the Sacko and Ruxin's loving it. Taco is a hot mess with his new speed weed and hasn't slept in weeks. Andre is panicking that he can't find Russell because he doesn't know enough about wine to run the show himself. When he finally does find Russell in the back wine room, Russell's mid-coitus with Emma and flying high on Taco's speed weed. Andre scolds Russell and insists he get it together because the restaurant reviewer is due to arrive any minute.
And what do you know, we know the restaurant reviewer. It is none other than Trixie Von Stein, a ghost from Andre's and "The League" seasons past. Still blind from her allergic reaction to Andre's semen, she's changed careers and is a prominent restaurant critic. Her and Andre exchange pleasantries and they begin the tour. Everything goes haywire when Russell, high on the speed weed, starts boning a brick of cheese in the middle of the restaurant -- ruining the whole review and everyone's appetite.
Oh, and Russell never set a kicker before game time so it's off to the Shiva Bowl for Andre and Ruxin. Things are about to get cray.
THINGS TO NOTE:
Keep up with "The League" recaps here every week. "The League" airs on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. ET on FXX.