The Lesbian Chronicles 41: Forgiveness

I'm staying with my mother in Montréal temporarily until my new apartment becomes available in November.Tonight I took myself to see the movie The Light Between Oceans. There was a line in the movie that resonated with me regarding forgiveness, " You only need to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day."

Being a Libra, I have often focused solely on Justice, so focused that I have failed to see the big picture. I was so intent on winning that when I lost, I ran straight into the arms of resentment, my favourite dance partner, where we danced on repeat the shame/blame tango.

After watching The Light Between Oceans, I realized that by choosing to harbour resentment and enmity toward ( fill in the blank-- family, friends, a co-worker, an ex- partner) my heart hardens and I waste my energy focusing on my so- called loss.

I have stayed awake many nights obsessing over and over about a sentence I should or should not have said. To what end? I just woke up the next day feeling exhausted and emotionally hung over. My obsessing rarely led to resolution, only to further frustration and pain. I see now that my choice is really quite simple: peace or no peace.

Should I decide to choose peace, then I forgo resentment for forgiveness. Moving forward, I am going to give peace my best shot, so much better for my aging and delicate heart.

Walking back to my mother's apartment I decided to walk the underground pathway between Alexis Nihon Plaza and Westmount Square. I felt my mood called for music and chose to begin with the Carol King classic 'You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman', played through my speakers on my IPhone. The acoustics were glorious and I sang aloud along as there was no one there but me. As I came to the end of my underground journey one lone woman was coming around the bend just as the song was ending. We locked eyes, I bowed, she smiled, and we both continued on...