The Lesbian Chronicles 48: Henini

Henini. This is Hebrew for the words 'Here I am', which God said to Abraham or Abraham said to God. I am not totally clear on who said what to whom, only that on the show Transparent, Rabbi Raquel used the phrase and told it to my favourite Fefferman sister.

So here I am. Katharine Angelina Love. I am flawed and fucked in five thousand ways, but I am trying my best to be here. Right here, right now, dragging my five thousand flaws like tattered ribbons tied in my hair since childhood.

My dreadlocks have become my dead locks. I need to get rid of the tatters but have become immolized from the weight of it all. Do I cut off the one thing that identifies me as me? Will my shorn self still be admired? (For I am still needy, you know.)

Growing up looking just slightly not like everyone else, I could always count on my hair to romance// to entrance, but I am sixty years old now, and I just want to be me. The problem is I am not quite sure yet, who me is.

Maybe for now I'll just wear my hat.