I'm lying on my couch with a bag of frozen beans (organic, of course!) placed strategically on top of my right knee (more on that later) and wondering why , on this perfect Spring evening that I am without my Beloved, still.
Like; really? After all this time and all the therapy (hours of talking, Rolfing, breathing) all the wishing (on four leaf clovers, on falling stars, on the magic 8 ball) and still -- she is not here.
Perhaps it's that I cheated with the four leaf clover, it was really a three leaf clover that I superglued with a separate clover. (My fingers as well, Renaissance woman I am not!)
Now about this folklore of when you are least expecting, or not looking 'she' will appear -- well, I take umbrage with that particular story because:
1. I am a Libra and we Libra chickies are never quite happy unless we are in love.
2. I am a romantic. (Perhaps 2 should be an addendum to 1.)
3. I am desperate (see 1) but also extremely picky and picky trumps desperate every time.
Which brings me back to tonight and why I have a bag of frozen veggies on my knee. Lucille, my new spritely puppy and I were in the park today for a long long time. She is new; I on the other hand am not; but we both love being in nature and both went a little overboard today. (She is lying next to me as I write this blog, conked out.)
So I guess I will take a lavender and Epsom salt bath, and listen to some old slow jazz and just be grateful for what I do have -- my daughter, my puppy, my friends who love me even so; and send my wish for love up to the stars.