As young girls we begin our journey of friendship by gravitating to other girls in whom we find commonalities. At some point during our middle, or junior high school years, we begin to form judgments based on the differences we find in other girls. We allow our own insecurities to lie dormant, while trying to find our own voice in the vast space of society. Entering into high school, the insecurities deepen and we no longer simply pass judgment on others, but we begin to separate ourselves from anyone who is different by finding flaws in those we see as competition.
So the question is, does the mean girls club exist among women? The honest answer to this question is YES! As women, we find ways to create social ranks, feeding our insecurities and allowing that high school girl within us to feel important, while hiding her flaws. We no longer look for friends based on commonalities. No, we build unauthentic relationships from a space of hidden agendas. This, in return, enables us to gossip, backbite and put on airs for each other, never in turn allowing us to reach the hearts of our sisters.
The better question is, how do we break this cycle of feminine destruction among women? We begin with the embrace of our own insecurities, and the allowance of those insecurities to become our strengths. We begin to value the beauty in our own lives, and make a conscious effort to see the good in other women. We withhold judgment of our fellow sisters, while holding space in our lives for her to grow from our wisdom. We break away from the fear of being betrayed, or hurt, by allowing our hearts to mend from past transgressions. Last, we show the women in our lives through example, not by word, that we value and appreciate them. This is the beginning of breaking the cycle of broken-hearted meanness among women, guiding us in our journey back to that little girl. That little girl in whom simply wanted to find a friend among the familiar.