The Missing Paragraph

Excuse me, Mr. President? Gosh...this is so embarrassing, but you have a... Well, Sir, you have a hole in your speech. Yeah, um, no - not there. There. Where you were supposed to talk about Katrina? That hole. It's a little big, don't you think? Didn't you think anybody would notice it? Also, while I'm at it, I might as well point out that you 28% approval rating all over your face. Might want to clean that up.

You'd think the leader of the free world would have someone to point this out to them, but Sir, it looks as though your staff has dropped the ball. One would also assume that, given that so many of us are eager for any good news whatsoever, and since the speech is one of most important parts of being our leader, your speech writers would try make it inspiring, or at least interesting. I'm sorry to say Sir, about the time you were going on about healthcare, I was wondering exactly what sort of cough drop Mr. Cheney decided to pop in while on camera.

I was hoping you'd have something like an attempt to remind the country that what binds us together as American vastly outnumbers that which separates us. Instead you gave us the lady from Baby Einstein who sold out to Disney. You could have attempted to speak clearly, thoughtfully, poetically, but then you gave us phrases like: "the great tradition of the melting pot." Sir, I'm sorry, but that makes me think of the nacho cheese in movie theaters, not how the very foundation of our solidarity as a nation rests in our diversity as a people.

There was also how you might have reminded us of the hope afforded to us by American ingenuity in science and technology, but then you described it as "woodchips, grass, and agricultural wastes." Sir, did you just reference poo in the State of the Union? There is no oratorical brilliance to be found in poo, Mr. President.

Then there is the matter of the Iraq mess you brought in all over the carpet. Before you ask, it's not Madame Speaker's job to clean up after you. You mentioned that you want the Iraqi's to "re-enter civic life." Forget about your petulant scoldings and twisted logic that the insurgency and sectarian violence only began after the destruction of the mosque in Samarra; maybe all the Iraqi's listening tonight will be inspired to set aside their centuries old prejudices and hatred because the idea of re-entering civic life sounds too enthralling to give up. I know that when I feel like if I leave my house I might get blown up, kidnapped or thrown into an illegal secret prison, I remind myself that I'm only trying to re-walk to the corner store for some milk.

But back to the Katrina-shaped hole in your speech, President Bush. America was left afraid, angry, and ashamed by what happened in New Orleans, to say little of what is still happening there. Has so much time passed from when you flew over people's broken lives that you've forgotten what happened to your fellow Americans? It seems to me that it is more than possible that tonight's speech was just another reminder of your unfailingly apathetic and blatantly racist disregard for the citizens who need not only your time and attention, but the rest of the country's as well.

Oh, by the way? It's New-Kley-Er, not Nuk-You-Lar.