LAST NIGHT'S DEBATE DEVOLVED QUICKLY Between Donald Trump assuring America about the size of his hands to discussions about Little Marco, this was a debate for the crude insult history books. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio did land some massive punches on the front-runner, with some help from the moderators, but it would appear to be too little, too late. [Jonathan Cohn, HuffPost]
POTENTIAL HOPE FOR MILLENNIALS IN THE JOBS REPORT "By at least two recent metrics, millennials in the 25-to-34 age range appear to be faring better on the employment front than at any other time during the economic recovery." [WSJ | Paywall]
THE OBAMAS AREN'T LEAVING WASHINGTON JUST YET The first family plans to stick around after 2017 so Sasha can finish up high school. [WaPo]
NORTH KOREAN DICTATOR ORDERS NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO BE READY AT ANY MOMENT "The North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, has urged his military to have its nuclear warheads deployed and ready to be fired at any moment, the country’s state-run news agency reported Friday." [NYT]
BOKO HARAM'S VIOLENCE CREATING MASSIVE SHORTAGE The terrorist group is now pillaging -- for food. [NYT]
THE POWER IS OUT IN ALL OF SYRIA "The Syrian government reported a nationwide power outage Thursday -- the latest electricity problem in a country that has seen frequent outages during a five-year war involving the regime, rebels and terror groups." [CNN]
THE KEY TO SNAPCHAT According to its master, DJ Khaled. [Bloomberg]
THE BEDTIME TREATS GOOD FOR SLEEP You can snack away on these. [HuffPost]
IT TAKES A LOT OF MONEY TO CONQUER THE WORLD If you're Uber. [Vanity Fair]
HACKING UKRAINE'S POWER GRID Months of planning went into one of the biggest infrastructure hacks of all time. [Wired]
THE SECOND LIFE OF YOUR 'POST-BREAKUP OBJECTS' "Exiting a relationship leaves you with two kinds of junk: the things you can hold in your hands, and the things you can't." [Racked]
THINK YOU'LL FIND SOME PEACE EXPLORING THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN? Turns out it's rather noisy. [HuffPost]
'COSTCO GAVE ITS LOWEST PAID WORKERS A RAISE' "The big box store announced Thursday that it would raises minimum wages at its stores around the country by $1.50. The company's lowest hourly wages will be between $13 and $13.50 and hour, up from $11.50 to $12 an hour." [HuffPost]
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BEFORE YOU GO
~ Motherboard's experiment in science fiction after the biggest earthquake to hit the continental U.S. is downright terrifying.
~ We're all about these wedding bars, and they don't even have any booze.
~ The Internet had some fun with these photos of Whole Foods selling peeled oranges.
~ The dangers of the military's aging helicopter fleet.
~ Just in time for Easter, the Cumberbunny.
~ Remember the Invisible Children movement? Turns out Joseph Kony is still on the loose.
~ The Atlantic examines the "changing definition of a fuller life."
~ Sony is trying to bury a Sasha Baron Cohen movie that contains a controversial scene about Donald Trump.
~ It's official: a "Mean Girls" the musical will happen.
Send tips/quips/quotes/stories/photos/events/scoops to Lauren Weber at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow us on Twitter @LaurenWeberHP. And like what you're reading? Sign up here to get The Morning Email delivered to you.