The Most Scathing Name in News

Back in May, after it seemed clear that Trump would win the Republican nomination, I became disillusioned with the way Trump’s lying and ridiculous nonsense were being taken seriously. Then, as now, I continued to believe that there is only one reasonable response to the vapid, soulless, tiny-fingered emptiness that is Donald Trump, and that is ridicule – merciless, belittling, unrelenting ridicule. Preferably focused on the things that matter to Trump – the size of his hands/penis/crowds/bank account, his legitimacy, and his utter inferiority to Vladimir Putin. To that end, I purchased the domain www.patheticlittleman.com. I planned to make it a one-stop clearinghouse for all things Trump. All things.

Unlike some of the other news sites that are weighed down by “sources” and “journalistic ethics” and “facts,” patheticlittleman.com would aim to bring the newest, freshest, most outrageous news on Donald Trump right to your computer screen 24/7/365/infinity and then some. To accomplish this goal, in bold contrast to the lamestream media and its “rigorous standard of proof,” patheticlittleman.com would employ it's own standard – the “some dude said it on the internet” standard – for verification and publication. Admittedly, not everything published on the site would be “accurate,” but sometimes you need to crack a few eggs to see what the cat dragged in.

So I had the idea, made some plans, wrote some content, and was just about to get started, but then it got to be a particularly busy time at work, and you know, Hillary was going to win, so it really didn’t matter, right? My interest in the project waned, yadda yadda yadda, Trump assumed power, and now here we are.

So you can only imagine my excitement and renewed interest today when I read a story that could blow the lid off the Trump presidency once and for all. Among other things, the story alleges that:

“Jared Kushner is on tape talking to a Russian spy. Worse …as part of entirely legal and admissible FISA evidence, Donald Trump is also on tape talking to a Russian spy about money laundering.” www.patribotics.com, 3/28/17

Explosive!

Putting aside whether this is just the poorly sourced, completely speculative ramblings of a Trump-hating blogger (and putting aside the contents of the ellipsis), were these allegations borne out, it would be the story of the year and surely lead to both Trump’s downfall and my first Peabody. While I have no direct knowledge of the truth of the story (importantly, I don’t know that it’s not true), who among us can say with any degree of certainty what truth is anymore or whether truth in the era of Trump even exists?

Most importantly, the story meets the rigorous standards for inclusion on patheticlittleman.com: 1) I found it on the internet; 2) some dude posted it; and 3) it contains explosive allegations potentially extremely damaging to the Trump presidency and warranting widespread distribution. While I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of the information, I can confirm that it’s on the internet and that we need to get to the bottom of it, so let’s talk about it! (What we can’t have a conversation here??!!!)

Finally, I should mention that “sources” can confirm that the story is much worse than it appears, that it is only the tip of the iceberg, that there’s no telling how high it goes and how rotten this thing is at its core, and that there will be many twists and turns before it’s done, likely involving Russian prostitutes and golden showers [also, I recently changed my name to “sources”].

Just a preview of what may someday be the future of news: patheticlittleman.com. Watch for it.

P.S. If you have leads on incendiary allegations against Donald Trump that have not yet been proven false, post them in the comments below; or, if they are too explosive, send them to: explosiveallegations@gmail.com.

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