If you've ever been to New York City, you've witnessed the manifestation of the happiness myth at its best. People in the city are literally running from one thing to the next thing to the next. Always striving to be somewhere other than where they are.
So what exactly is the happiness myth?
The greatest myth of happiness is that it lies somewhere in the future.
I'll say it again: The greatest myth of happiness is that it is in the future. Somewhere out there. Attached to some thing, some achievement, some success. And only when we finally reach it, do we get to experience it.
Have you ever said or felt any of the following?
When I'm in love, THEN I'll be so joyful.
When my partner just gives me what I need, THEN I'll finally stop complaining.
When I make $100,000, THEN I'll be free to travel and do what I truly want.
When I'm a size 2 or have a six pack, THEN I'll have the confidence to go for my dreams.
You're not the only one. We all have our own thing that we're waiting for so we can be happy - finally.
Harvard psychology professor and happiness expert, Dan Gilbert, found that we have a psychological tendency to think that a really good event will make us happy and keep us happy for a very long time, but this is actually not the case.
What does happen is that when something really good happens, we do get a boost of happiness, but we quickly adapt and come back down to the same level of happiness as before.
Now's the point that you might be thinking, But, money? I really think more money would make me happier and keep me happy. And you're right, to a point.
Psychologists Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener found that money does increase happiness when bringing people out of poverty, but beyond that there is little correlation between money and happiness.
We adapt to having more money, like anything else. We increase our spending, desire more, and create new "normals."
Don Draper from Mad Men articulated the result of this myth well: "What is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness."
You may have experienced this for yourself. You reached the thing that was supposed to bring you lasting happiness and not too long after you thought: Okay, that was good for minute, but what's next?
An example for me is when I ran my first (and let's be honest -- probably only) marathon in 2010.
When I crossed the finish line I've never felt more accomplished in my entire life. I burst into tears of joy... and pain. A lot of pain. It was a really special moment and I'll have that sense of accomplishment forever.
But, and here's a big but, later that week I felt... meh. The glory was over, life went back to normal (aside from not being able to walk) and I wasn't as happy as I thought I was going to be.
I was already thinking about my next quest.
What am I going to do next to feel that way again? What's my next big thing?
I overestimated how much happiness the future was going to bring and after an initial jolt of joy, I went back down to the place of needing more.
So if happiness isn't in the future, where is it?
It's now, here and all around us.
The model that we're using is quite backwards.
We think goals/accomplishments/attainment first, happiness second. But in reality happiness needs to precedes our goals/accomplishments/attainments and it actually speeds up the process.
Here are some benefits of prioritizing happiness:
- You are more creative, resourceful, and have more ideas.
- Research shows that when you experience positive feelings, you quite literally SEE more and have a broader perspective.
- Happier managers cultivate a more productive work environment.
- Happy employees are perceived as higher quality.
- Happier people tend to make more money and live a more abundant life overall.
- The biggest and most obvious benefit of all -- you actually enjoy life!! You are happy!
So, more money doesn't equal happiness, but more happiness does tend to bring more money, creativity, and opportunity.
When we practice waiting for happiness, we get really good at waiting. Our minds are focused on the future. When we practice experiencing happiness, we get really good at experiencing it.
When I look back on the marathon and think about what I really enjoyed, it was the training process. I found fulfillment in doing what I said I was going to do, exercising regularly, challenging myself, pushing past my boundaries, and connecting with other runners. I was so focused on the goal, though, I almost missed the happiness all around me.
Where do I go from here? How do I experience and prioritize happiness?
- Most importantly, you just have to choose to do it. Prioritize daily activities that that bring out your joy and cultivate happiness.
- Be present, exist the moment, and take time to appreciate all that you have (or you'll miss the benefits of #1).
- Fan the flames of your dreams and be honest about what you want.
Take these steps, and I promise you will feel happier and achieve your dreams with much more ease and fun along the way.
To get more insight into how to create happiness every day, I invite you to download of free copy of my guide, 5 Steps to a Happy Day.