Can you have gay sex and still be straight?
We assume that these men are gay, or at the very least bisexual, and simply in denial about their sexuality. However, we now know that one subset of these men—straight men who enjoy getting paid for such sex—can, indeed, be heterosexual. It is not the sex that turns them on, it is the money! They have eroticized money, and the sense of value they derive from being admired and paid for performing sex acts with men.
I even had one client come into my office and refer to himself as a “cashsexual.” Having cash put into his hand or his PayPal account or Google Wallet, as well as the exhibitionism and accolades he received, turned him on.
In fact, increasingly in gay porn researchers have found straight men who enjoy participating in it. Often, they’re able to exact higher pay for performing because many gay guys are turned on by seeing men straight having gay sex—and gay men are quick to spot them. Then, when the scene is done, the straight man goes home to his wife or girlfriend, and once again immerses himself in the world of heterosexuality.
Of course, this eroticization of money is not limited to straight men having gay sex. Many men and women find it enjoyable to be paid to have sex. In this “head space,” as I call it, the money is easily as important, if not more, than the sex itself.
Historically if someone reported that they had sex for money—a “sex worker it was assumed that they had a history of sexual abuse, that this behavior was pathological. We know more today. Some men and women are, in fact, sex workers for money as a result of sexual abuse and in increasing amount of men and women do not have these histories and do it for other reasons that are not pathological. Many find it fun, validating and erotic.
I address this topic more in my book, “Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi? A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men.”