The NFL is about to embark on what may be an historic playoff weekend.
The NY Jets are one step away from their first Super Bowl since Joe Namath was wandering the streets of Fort Lauderdale and making "Bachelors III" the most famous nightclub in America. They are now eight regulation quarters away from sending New York into a tizzy, and Giants fans running for cover.
The Pittsburgh Steelers are one step away from doing what many thought completely impossible and improbable. Returning to the Super Bowl in a season that began with their starting QB riding the pines for using his celebrity status to (badly and incorrectly) pick up women, and being stupid enough to smile as the cell phone cameras were flashing.
The Green Bay Packers are dreaming about their first Super Bowl appearance since Head Coach Mike Holmgren suffered a minor attack of brain lock regarding the downs count and allowed the Denver Broncos to score what turned out to be the winning touchdown.
And then, the Chicago Bears. Harken back to "The Super Bowl Shuffle," Jim McMahon's running battle with Commissioner Pete Rozelle, Refrigerator Perry scoring a touchdown and not devouring the football on his way in, and that utter shellacking of the New England Patriots for their first and only victory in the Title game. They were back four years ago, but a complete and embarrassing collapse that begin in the second quarter left Bears fans wishing George Wendt and Chris Farley were on the sidelines calling plays.
No matter how you look at it, this Conference Championship weekend has more dramatic buildup than fanboys already salivating how Anne Hathaway will look in leather when she takes her turn as Catwoman in the upcoming third Batman movie starring Christian Bale entitled, The Dark Knight Rises.
Everyone who has not been bound, gagged and forced to watch even one episode of Glee knows that we could thus be just three games from seeing our last real, honest football game played by real professionals for a year, and maybe more. As usual, it's about war between the Players Union and the NFL. As usual, it's all about more money in everyone's pockets with little or no concern about the product or those menial peons in the seats coughing up cash or the equivalent of their first-born male child.
It's not just a possibility, rather a probability at this stage of the game, there will be a lockout by owners due to the combined failure of reaching accord on a new collective bargaining agreement.
A few words then for NFL owners and players.
Go ahead. Do it. Double dog dare.
Seriously, go ahead. Literally and figuratively spit on the people who have arguably made you the #1 spectator sport in America. Spread your cash among each other. Bathe in it. Make paper dolls out of it. Roll good Cuban tobacco in it and light those fat boys on fire in front of a national television audience.
It won't make any difference. Not to those who enjoy football and continually shell out mortgage payments for tickets, food, beer, luxury boxes, club seats, preferred parking, foam fingers and undergarments with the team logo affixed in just the right place. Or places.
Not to those few hardy souls who could care less if the NFL stands for "National Football League" or "Nuclear Fission Linguistics." These are the oddballs who don't plan their schedules around game time. Refuse to get involved with a sport that allows Brett Favre to juxtapose the letters in his name for the sake of easy pronunciation. Only know the name "Jerry Jones" by keeping a scorecard on who has undergone more plastic surgeries between the Dallas Cowboys owner, Joan Rivers or Heidi Montag.
The NFL knows this. Owners and players remain confident that no matter what they do, you will come back to professional football. Miss an entire season? No worries. It will only serve to increase fan salivation for meaningless confrontations over the amount of trash talking before a big game. The TV networks will scream about the loss of advertising revenue, but have already made plans for filling the monetary void with more vapid and cheap reality shows featuring bad performers and future competitors from the International Federation of Competitive Eating.
The only people really rooting for the lockout are divorce lawyers, confident in the fact their business is about to experience a spike not seen since people saw what a terrible couple Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd made on Moonlighting.
The most heavily impacted by any work stoppage in the NFL? The gambling industry, both legal and illegal. Over $15B are spent legally every year on fantasy sports, and that remains a guess, at best. Las Vegas bookies are used to a $100M tab for the Super Bowl alone. Illegal gambling on the NFL alone accounts for $80-100 billion every year, the largest amount of cash changing hands in American that isn't owned by the Chinese. The hardcore players, however, will simply move their addiction on to some other form human element wagering. And when the NFL returns, so will their cash in record numbers.
There is little or no concern in the hallowed halls of the NFL, to a lesser extent the NFL Players Association, for one simple fact.
The fans are suckers. Rubes. Ill-mannered lemmings who don't have the desire nor the will to cause much of a stir. Don't even argue this point. You can't win because the evidence against your protestations is powerful and easy to find.
Of the 11 stadiums built since 2002 designated as football only, more than half of their funding came from public funds. Don't try to sell it as money coming from hotel and rental car taxes, meaning it didn't come out of your pockets. That money could have been used for education, housing, social programs, etc. It absolutely came out of your wallet and went right into that of the franchise. And that average public investment is close to $300M.
Say you didn't have a choice in the matter? Another bad sale. Public referendums for tax dollars being used to build these palaces pass with an average of 71% of the vote. Those that were defeated concerning these 11 stadiums were later craftily and sneakily rerouted via another referendum or given the green light by your State elected officials.
In San Diego, the Chargers are not about to give up on their plan to have their new home built with close to $500M in public cash. So if you live in San Diego and are not already a fan of the Chargers, better start loading up on jerseys and hats. Because in the end, you're part of the mortar and brick to hand the franchise a stadium.
Fans are the ones who every single year allow themselves to be extorted by teams regarding season tickets. NFL teams demand you purchase pre-season tickets in every season ticket package. And every one of these practice games is at full ticket price.
As 18 of the 32 franchises raised their ticket prices this season past, bringing to over $400 the average cost of a family of 4 attending one game. And if you're one of those deciding to not pay the game price, the NFL has you lock, stock and cable remote with their dedicated pay-per-view.
The Super Bowl? Now you can purchase a ticket to stand outside the stadium. No seat. No in-person viewing. Standing. Outside The Jerry Jones Palace. All for a measly $200 per ticket.
We have shown the NFL, time and time again through our actions with their sport and many others, that no matter how you put the screws to us, shovel money out of our wallets, dilute the product, or allow bad owners to destroy once-legendary franchises, we will always come back. We want you. We need you. We can't live without you.
Suckers.