It’s over. And yet, it is so far from over. There is one thing that has come out of this 2016 election; the country is more divided than ever.
How did we get here?
One thing I feel has greatly contributed to this divide is that we have stopped talking. More importantly, we have stopped listening. We tune into news sources that say what we want to hear. We quote pundits and platforms. We attack and defend instead of recognizing our similarities and fostering empathy. We unfollow and unfriend people with different opinions. We stick with people who are like us.
But now we find ourselves asking, how could my friend, my family member, my neighbor, my fellow church member ever vote for that candidate? They are a nice, kind, giving person, and their candidate is not. How can this be? We are assuming that one political figure embodies the values and visions of the person who is supporting them. And in part that may be true, and yet, we are skipping a crucial step.
We need to speak to each other. We can’t let the politicians speak for us.
We have stopped communicating. We rely on social media to express our opinions, sharing quick stats and eye-catching memes, for we dare not have a discussion face to face. That would be too awkward. We might hurt someone’s feelings. Or worse, our feelings may get hurt. And we have lost the ability to have a respectful conversation.
When people get mean and lash out, or equally, pull inward, there is usually a fear-based reason behind it. Fear is incredibly powerful. It closes our minds, taking our kindness and compassion with it. Fear of lack, fear of embarrassment, fear of physical or emotional harm, fear of economic insecurity – whatever fear may drive us. We go straight into survival mode, the path of least resistance to self-preservation.
We need to listen to each other’s fears. It is amazing how two people can find common ground when they speak honestly of their fears. It doesn’t mean we will agree on everything, but we can agree on categorical fears that may lead to finding a mutually beneficial solution. However, it may be too soon, feelings too raw. And yet, sometimes that is when we are most real, the times we are most vulnerable.
We need to hear the stories of others.
We don’t know what oppression, what trauma, what experience, our fellow citizen has faced to cause them to vote the way they did. For our sake, for our children’s sake, we need to learn how to communicate, how to ask questions, how to disagree without disrespecting. Aside from extremes on either side that truly wish harm to one another, we are inherently good. We just now have to bring that forward, lead with kindness and compassion. We have to now ask the hard questions, acknowledge misunderstandings and preconceived notions. We need to be prepared to see the tears and hear with open ears the experiences of others.
These are the experiences that are behind the feelings and votes of this election. The fear of persecution or the fear of feeding your family; both are different issues but are related to survival. And these fears are real. We have to acknowledge that. We absolutely cannot minimize the feelings of others, condemning what they feel is so very real to them. That only isolates us further. It causes more hate, more injustice and intolerance – for everyone. And we have enough of that.
The one thing we cannot do post-election is to shut the door on communicating, on having a dialogue, which includes talking and listening. We cannot group each other into good and bad. It’s just not that simple. And depending on our current life circumstances, what threatens our family, our children, our economic security, our beliefs and values – these are the issues we are going to prioritize. We go into survival mode, allowing ourselves to overlook things we may not agree with, solely to lessen the immediate fears we are facing.
Equally, we cannot dismiss someone’s opinion simply because it is not our own. I do not condone hatred or prejudice against any race, religion, gender – any being. And that includes hatred toward the people who did not vote my way. To me, it was a simple decision. But I am also ignoring the other side that sees the world differently than I do. I may never completely see the other side or even agree with it, but I was more open until things got more and more personal. Tensions rose and my tolerance went down. And that is just as dangerous.
No matter whom you voted for, if you say you are not for hate, this is the time more than ever to let your actions speak louder than words. Be kinder than necessary. Talk to your neighbor. More importantly, listen to your neighbor. Learn something new about someone who has a different story than yours. Try to listen without preparing a rebuttal. We can’t assume anything.
It will not be easy.
Sure, some feel there’s no way to have civil discourse. The damage has been done. However, if we close off communication from the other side we jeopardize our ability to come together in defending our democracy when it needs us most. It will be taken right from under us while we are too distracted by an unsubstantiated social media meme.
Simply talking does not single-handedly erase all hurts or opposing viewpoints. Some may say we can’t afford to be vulnerable to what the other side may feel. However, I believe we can’t afford not to.