The Opposite Happened

In the first 2 minutes of Bush's stunningly non persuasive speech to the nation, he made a startling remark that begs further examination.

"When I addressed you just over a year ago, nearly 12 million Iraqis had cast their ballots for a unified and democratic nation. The elections of 2005 were a stunning achievement. We thought that these elections would bring the Iraqis together -- and that as we trained Iraqi security forces, we could accomplish our mission with fewer American troops.
But in 2006, the opposite happened."

Bush's troop surge plan is akin to the decision some couples make when trying to salvage a hopeless marriage. You know, those couples who in a painfully misguided attempt to save their union, decide the thing that will stop all the fighting and turmoil is to have another kid. Instead of fixing the relationship, that decision usually just prolongs their emotional quagmire, postpones the inevitable and adds one more innocent victim to the problem.

The result of their decision? To quote Bush himself, "The opposite happened."

But this blunderful philosophy of his is not exclusive to his Iraq policy. He could add the phrase, "The opposite happened" to almost any policy he has come up with.

No Child Left Behind will ensure no child will be left behind.

The opposite happened.

Creating a Medicare prescription drug plan for the elderly that requires them to scour the internet and choose from over 100 plans to find life saving medicine will simplify healthcare and save them money.

The opposite happened

Spending more than a billion dollars on abstinence only sex education will convince kids to refrain from acting on their sexual impulses and curb teen pregnancy.

The opposite happened.

Hiring an unqualified horse breeder to head up FEMA will make sure that when faced with a natural disaster, we will be prepared and make sure each person affected will get their needs met, with expedience and dignity.

The opposite happened.

Giving those who purchase a Hummer a tax break will help the environment.


Now last night, our Clueless leader announced on "60 Minutes" that in order to convince a doubting public of his ill-fated plan for Iraq, he needs to be the "Educator-In-Chief."

And I'll give him that, he has taught us something: Whenever he tries to fix a problem; the opposite happens.