The People-Pleaser's Guide To Pleasing People

If you want to get better at pleasing people, check out these people-pleasing tips and learn how to get the least out of your life.

#1 Always seem happy with everything

Never show negative emotions. Make sure there’s always a smile on your face. This will make people feel good, as if you’re totally fine with everything all the time. They’ll love being around you even if they sometimes feel really uncomfortable.

#2 Never end a phone call

When talking on the phone, never be the first to say you have to go. Wait for the other person to say she has to go before saying goodbye. This gets tricky with telemarketers sometimes, but remember, you need them to like you, too.

#3 Never say what you want

If someone asks you what you want to do, ask him what he wants to do. Never be the first to offer up a suggestion. This way you avoid disagreeing with anyone as well as any real enjoyment in your life.

#4 Offer to do things you don’t want to do

If there’s something you know your friend would like, offer to do it for him, even if you have no intention of doing it or don’t even know how to do it. Ultimately, this will piss him off, but in the moment it will feel like you really made him happy.

#5 Get so used to going along with other people that you don’t even know who you are anymore

Always go along with the group even if the group wants to do something you hate. Get so used to saying yes to everything that you forget your own likes and dislikes. Your suffering is the key to fitting in anywhere you want to go.

#6 Don’t ask for anything

Never come right out and ask anyone for anything. Always give them several ways of saying no, if you even end up asking them at all. People will appreciate how much you don’t need anyone and you’re fine being all by yourself and God why are you so alone.

#7 Always leave without saying goodbye

The Irish exit is your friend. It means you don’t have to admit to anyone that you don’t really want to be there anymore. The last they’ll remember of you is what a great time you were having, and none will be the wiser.

Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian and creator of TheCooperReview.com. Her first book, 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings comes out October 4th. Sign up for her free email newsletter to get updates.