The People's Guide to the Conservative Palinguage Vol. 3: Market Meltdown Edition!

With the massive financial sector meltdown going on, the stock market tumbling and those women from The View picking your bones, it's hard to keep straight why lipstick on a pig is bad and lipstick on a pitbull is good. So I'm back with another new Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. In honor of the biggest one day market drop since 2001, we're focusing this week mostly -- but not exclusively -- on the economy. Feel free to laugh all you want because the fundamentals of our economy are strong, so we have nothing to fear but fear itself!

Thanks to everyone who offered up their Palinisms. You can find Vols 1 & 2 over at That Minority Thing.

Crutnacker says: If you supported a war that is costing $2.4 billion a day, you're a patriot who wants smaller government. If you oppose the war, you're a defeatist who wants big government.

Leftcoastliberal Says: Democrats who balance the budget and lower unemployment are tax and spend liberals. Republicans who run record deficits and crash the housing market are fiscally responsible.

Cameron says: If you chant 'Drill, Baby, Drill" you are positing an effective and responsible energy plan, science and logic be damned. If you chant "Yes, We Can" you are a mindless automaton.

David says: If you're a Democrat and you prefer wine over beer, you are an "elitist." If you're a Republican and you prefer a beer heiress over your first wife, you are a "committed family man."

Jimbo says: When you waste a million dollars on just one tomahawk missile you are seeking to SAVE American lives. When you want to utilize a million dollars for stem cell research you are seeking to DESTROY the American way of Life.

Kane says: If you're a Republican, all of your errors and misjudgments are for history to decide. If you're a Democrat, all of your errors and misjudgments are for voters to decide.

Judy says: If you're a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington insider who will only give us more of the same. If you're a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a Washington outsider and the candidate for change.

Susan says: If you're a Democrat and promise to cut the taxes of 95% of all Americans, you're raising taxes. If you're a Republican (in a state with no state income tax and no state sales tax) and give a $1,200 rebate from oil income to all taxpayers, you're cutting taxes.

Tanya says: If you are a black you are only voting for Obama because he is black too. If you are white and voting for Obama it is because you have white guilt. If you are not voting for Obama you are patriotic and a proud American.

David says: If you are Sarah Palin, you have no idea what the Bush Doctrine is. If you are an Iraqi, you know exactly what the Bush Doctrine is.

Bhutan says: Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius Pilot was a Governor.