Let's play a little guessing game. I'm going to describe two people and you have to guess who they are. Here are your hints: He's the biggest name in politics right now and she's friends with Mariska Hargitay. His wife is 24 years younger than him and she's 25 years old. You guessed it, I'm talking about Donald Trump and Taylor Swift. Now I know that you generally wouldn't peg these two together but after a lot of thought and research, I've realized that together, they really could make America great again. So Donald, my dear, if you're reading this, I want you to heavily consider Taylor as your running mate and here's why:
1. Money. With a combined worth of about four billion two hundred and forty million dollars, think about all of the things you two could buy for us. T-shirts, mugs, iPads, those key chains that double as a flashlight, Cliff bars, Faux Fur blankets from Restoration Hardware (they come in eleven colors). The list goes on.
2. Celebrity Endorsements. After scouring the Internet to try and find the names of your supporters, I finally found out that Dennis Rodman is a fan of yours. Congratulations! The same Dennis Rodman that once said, "Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something." With the combined support from Rodman and Taylor's celebrity friends, which as it turns out includes anyone with a heartbeat and a social security number, you guys have some serious power.
3. Immigration. Listen Donald, we all know that you don't really want anybody that's not American, in America. You've made that abundantly clear. But what you may not have realized yet is that Taylor can't really afford to let more people in either. She's in a happy, committed relationship, and the only thing that allowing more people into the country will do, is put this relationship in jeopardy as a result of a handsome foreigner. Together, you two NEVER have to let another European DJ visit Mount Rushmore or walk the streets of the Big Apple ever again.
4. Shared Interests. Your favorite movie is Citizen Kane. A mystery film. Taylor's favorite movie? Love Actually. Another mystery film. Don't believe me? Well love, actually, is the biggest mystery of them all. See what I did there? You probably already know that though, and if an army of your ex-lovers and Taylor's can't fix global warming than I don't know who can. Oh wait, I forgot that Global Warming is something that liberals came up with in conjunction with the music of Blink 182 in order to brainwash teens. Disregard this point.
5. Spray Tans. They're always more fun with a friend.