The Presidency is Just So Anti-Establishment

The United States has had forty-four Presidents of the United States, forty-three if you don't count Grover Cleveland's non-consecutive terms, and forty-two if you don't count George W. Bush.

All of our presidents have something in common. Yes, they've all been strikingly handsome. But also, they've all been men. 100 percent of our nation's presidents have been men. 0 percent of our nation's Presidents have been women. So if you do the math, both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump have a 100 percent chance of becoming the next President of the United States.

As the political pundits on the cable news and auto racing channels will tell you, there's an obvious reason why Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump are soaring in the polls; they're "anti-establishment" candidates.

The President of the United States is the world's most powerful politician. Hence, it stands to reason that we wouldn't want to elect anyone who is too much of a "politician." I call a plumber for most of my plumbing needs. But when my plumbing gets really serious, like when the toilet is overflowing, well that's when I call my local outsider. I find his lack of plumbing skills refreshing. And because he's not a real plumber, that must mean he truly cares about the people.

Personally, I tend to put more trust in established people. I think of established to mean accomplished. Nobody running for office ever brags about being anti-accomplishment. Maybe Ted Cruz.

I'm not sure why Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump are the anti-establishment candidates. Sanders has been in Congress since 1991. That's a long time. In 1991, Sanders was still a young, fresh-faced old man. Heck, in 1993, Trump was still married to Marla Maples, who, by the way, if Trump becomes president, will make an excellent First Ex-Lady. Though, before Marla, Trump was married to Ivana. So I guess that would make Marla the Second Ex-Lady. Nevertheless, it's still a great honor.

Bernie Sanders has spent years as an anti-establishment politician. One could say he has established himself as anti-establishment, which is quite an establishment. Hence, people looking for an anti-establishment candidate have finally found their establishment candidate.

Donald Trump is a billionaire celebrity, with more political connections than country music has awards shows. Trump is even more of a household name than Omarosa. Now that's established.

Trump -- having money and fame and connections -- is the ultimate politician, but without the burden of any political accomplishments. He's the un-establishment candidate.

Nevertheless, Sanders and Trump seem to be the favorites for the anti-establishment vote. And what that really means is that the people want someone like themselves -- someone who complains a lot and is angry. Our next president should be the Philadelphia Eagles fans.

The typical Sanders supporter and the typical Trump supporter are living pretty decent lives. Why do they feel so much anger? They're well-fed, they have jobs, their wages have gone up, and they have 24-hour access to a giant world of Internet pornography, featuring such smut categories as hardcore, point-of-view, and fetish. Fetish is the "anti-establishment" of porn.

I've personally met both Trump supporters and Sanders supporters. And, just between you and me, outside of the political rallies, beyond the Facebook posts, in real life, they're really not that angry. And why should they be? America is pretty good.

Oh, there are most certainly Americans in desperate need. People in Flint, Michigan have been drinking poisonous water, for example. But these people are not anti-establishment. Rather, they're pro-establishment, expecting our powerful, established government agencies to do their job and help them, only to be let down. They don't want a political outsider to shake things up; they want political insiders to follow the well-established procedures set up to protect the rights of all Americans.

We anti-anti-establishment voters simply want the establishment -- our government officials -- to do what is required of them, competently and without intrusion from corporate interests. Nobody needs to "shake up" the Constitution. Just follow it!

It's hip right now to be anti-establishment. Most people are anti-establishment. Soon, everyone will be anti-establishment, including the establishment. And only anti-establishment politicians will win elections. And our new anti-establishment world, filled with all the same people who occupy the country now, will look just like the country does, well, right now.

Hey! Do you ever wonder why nothing ever changes? The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Well, that and the Kardashians are rich and famous. Society's existing power structure has fooled the masses into thinking the existing power structure is the government and rich corporations and greedy banks. But in reality, the power structure is men. Wanna be anti-establishment? Vote for a woman.