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The President's Secret IMs: Pope-a-Dope

Ben16: Without courage we should have no conviction. And without conviction we should have no courage.Kickass43: ExactamundoKickass43: no need 2 say sry
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Click here to see the President's "Buddy List"!

Chat with BigBartlett
9:03 a.m.

BigBartlett: I've just received confirmation, Mr. President.
BigBartlett: The Pope is now online.

Kickass43: he aint showin up in my buddy list yet

BigBartlett: Give it a moment, sir.
BigBartlett: He doesn't just "pop up" like others.
BigBartlett: His Holiness "materializes."

Kickass43: kewl--ther he is!
Kickass43: but his * away * msg is still on

Big Bartlett: Give it another moment sir.

Kickass43: wait its changin...
Kickass43: it sez * receptive *

BigBartlett: That's the go ahead sir.
BigBartlett: Are you sure you don't want me or maybe Condi to join the chat?

Kickass43: nope
Kickass43: keep it privat
Kickass43: mano a mano

BigBartlett: Ok, Mr. President.
BigBartlett: Just don't start "confessing."
BigBartlett: Ha ha
BigBartlett: I mean: Ha ha, sir.

Chat with Ben16
9:08 a.m.

Kickass43: ur holiness?

Ben16: AUTO-REPLY: This message is intended for the recipient shown. It contains information that is confidential and protected from disclosure. Any review, dissemination or use of this transmission or its contents by persons or unauthorized employees of the intended organisations is strictly prohibited. The contents of this message do not necessarily represent the views or policies of the Catholic Church, the Vatican, or any of its pastoral representatives or followers worldwide.

Kickass43: benny?!

Ben16: Forgive the disclaimer, brother. The Vatican insists that it now accompany all my remarks, written and spoken, private and public.
Ben16: They say it is only temporary, until we are able to put in place a panel of linguistic and religious experts to assess and approve in advance any official statements relating to Islam.
Ben16: However, I fear that, like so many impermanent measures, adopted in times of crisis, it may prove to be permanent.
Ben16: Then the great dialogue between Christianity and Islam of which I dream will never take place, as our side shall be effectively silenced by the dictatorship of violence.
Ben16: Woe for all of humanity should that come to pass.
Ben16: But forgive me for burdening you with my own troubles.
Ben16: Of what is it that you wished to speak with me about?

Kickass43: :-X -O-

Ben16: Although I try to incorporate science with faith--insisting, as I do, that a mastery of modern technology should not prevent or diminish belief in God--for the life of me I do not understand this symbol you just used.

Kickass43: Im kissin ur ring

Ben16: Ah!

Kickass43: anyhoo
Kickass43: jus wantd 2 xpress my supprt
Kickass43: ur under alotta fire rite now
Kickass43: (4giv tha metafor)
Kickass43: kno how it feels benny
Kickass43: dept of bin ther dun dat
Kickass43: but u cant bak down
Kickass43: gotta push bak
Kickass43: if u don't mind me sayin
Kickass43: ur a tuffass
Kickass43: like dat in a pope
Kickass43: jus like tha last dude in ther
Kickass43: j2p2
Kickass43: he wuz a tuffass
Kickass43: U may b even tuffer

Ben16: Thank you, brother.
Ben16: Without courage we should have no conviction. And without conviction we should have no courage.

Kickass43: Exactamundo
Kickass43: no need 2 say sry

Ben16: Yes: We can apologize for our actions but not for the truth.
Ben16: We can apologize for unexpected consequences to our words, but not for those who misunderstand our words and use them an excuse to commit violence.

Kickass43: EXACTAMUNDO
Kickass43: happns 2 me all tha time

Ben16: I deeply regret what my words have wrought.
Ben16: And yet, what sort of religious person defends the peace of his faith...by shooting a nun?
Ben16: What sort of religious person replies to the accusation that his faith is spread by the sword...by threatening death by the sword?

Kickass43: uh is this a trik question?
Kickass43: how bout: islamonuts for $500 jack

Ben16: Let us not single out faiths, brother. Let us use the rhetorical question to look within ourselves, and even at our own histories.

Kickass43: im witu pope
Kickass43: like they accuse me of messin up in iraq...
Kickass43: but hell...
Kickass43: * heck *
Kickass43: if u guys had handled tha crusades proprly...
Kickass43: we cdve solvd this problemo 1000 yrs ago
Kickass43: (no offens!)

Ben16: No offense taken, brother.
Ben16: That was what I was trying to allude to in my speech.
Ben16: The question is: Are God's teachings open to interpretation? Can we apply our own moral view to His actions? Is the violence we encounter in the Bible a metaphor--or something we must take as a literal call to slaughter?
Ben16: I think few will dispute that Catholic thought and debate has moved forward since the Crusades.

Kickass43: tho we're alwys being 2nd gessed by pundits

Ben16: That is true.

Kickass43: & now ur own peeps r risin up agenst u
Kickass43: those librl priests!
Kickass43: theyr like: waa we didn't sign up 4 this
Kickass43: we didn't sign up 2 get shot at!
Kickass43: tell em 2 stop criticizn u
Kickass43: tell em its uncatholic
Kickass43: tell em theyr only givin aid & comfort 2 tha enemy

Ben16: You mean the Muslims?

Kickass43: no
Kickass43: tha protestnts

Ben16: I shall consider your advice.

Kickass43: well don't 4get
Kickass43: im witu
Kickass43: * got ur bak *
Kickass43: & like if u need any xtra security...

Ben16: I am secure in the knowledge that God will protect me.
Ben16: But thank you.

Kickass43: u can alwys call on my bud sylvio
Kickass43: he may b outta powr
Kickass43: but hes still got frends...
Kickass43: kno wat im sayin?

Ben16: The former prime minister has been greatly supportive, yes.

Kickass43: lemme try agen:
Kickass43: HES. GOT. FRIENDS.
Kickass43: * nice lttle mosk u got here *
Kickass43: they cd take care of it 4 u
Kickass43: & sylvio...
Kickass43: he's no choir boy but still a vry gd catholic
Kickass43: lot of sins 2 atone 4
Kickass43: sure he'd b DLITED 2 help
Kickass43: now u kno wat im sayin ur holiness?

Ben16: Yes.
Ben16: God's ways are mysterious.
Ben16: Indeed.

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has recessed from the chat.

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