“How many of you want children?” That’s one of the first questions I ask students when speaking at high schools.
The responses I get to my next question are telling: “How many of you want a family?”
Can you believe that in the dozens of times I’ve spoken at high schools, nearly all of the students want children while very few indicate they want a family?
There are probably many reasons for this response, but perhaps this generation of youth has a different perspective on the concept of family. Yes, these teenagers may have answered my questions differently on a different day. But, if they don’t associate having children with having a family — even for an instant — that’s curious.
When my daughter was born less than two weeks after my 19th birthday, my mindset was different. I was raised by a single mother and didn’t want to recreate that life for my daughter. So, thinking I’d be the best father in the world, I dropped out of high school one credit shy of a diploma. Instead, my daughter’s mother and I moved into a basement apartment to raise our child.
Dropping out of high school a couple months before graduation was immature. But, I was simply acting my age. The thing is, teenagers make teenage decisions. They’re impulsive, matter-of-fact and always think they’re right even when their actions make no sense. So its no surprise that there were some major aspects of parenting that I didn’t event recognize. For instance, I didn’t realize I needed a good-paying job or the impact my daughter would have on my life. I wasn’t mentally prepared, and those are just small examples.
The effects of teen pregnancy are challenging on many levels.
The World Health Organization reports girls aged 15 to 19 undergo three-million unsafe abortions every year. It’s doubtful those girls know the second-highest cause of death for their age demographic is complications due to pregnancy or childbirth. And we’re not even touching on the struggles of one-million girls under the age of 15 who give birth every year.
Those are just the physical repercussions that stem from teenage pregnancy. The psychological issues can be just as damaging, as can the social impact. Teenage parents are forced to drop out of school. As a young father, I made that decision. For females, that decision may not be their own.
I’m fortunate. My family was amazing. They were supportive, maybe not from the outset, but, once they were on board, I couldn’t keep them away from my daughter. Without their help, it would’ve been impossible to graduate high school, benefit from a full university scholarship, and build a career as a writer.
I thank God for every day with my daughter. She is a blessing. But I urge young people I engage with to wait to have a child. Children function better within a family with loving parents. They take their cues from the bond their parents display and the affection they show each other.
When my daughter was born, her mother and I struggled to keep our lives together. Figuring out how to get an education, where to live, how to provide for a family, how to speak to each other, how to enjoy a social life — these problems were exacerbated by the fact that we were just two kids.
And, that’s me. The sad truth is 95 percent of teenage pregnancies are in low- and middle-income countries. In actuality, I was saved by my geography; others aren’t as fortunate. Some girls are forced into early marriages and early parenthood, forced to drop out of school and never reach their full potential.
Still, we can learn from projects led by non-profit organizations working in low-income, vulnerable countries.
In Nicaragua, Christian Children’s Fund of Canada (CCFC) launched a pregnancy-prevention project in eight neighbourhoods where teens were educated in sexual and reproductive health and given a baby doll to parent for 10 days. After the project, every teen involved understood they were not ready to be parents. In Paraguay, aside from providing pregnant girls with legal, psychological and medical support, CCFC works with local partners to build girls’ self-worth and help them plan for their futures. Read more about that here.
It’s so important to nurture your daughter, son, niece and nephew’s self-worth today, so they’re confident about planning for their tomorrow. Maybe then more teens will be more excited to have ‘families’ one day, instead of ‘children’ today.