The Blog

The Reason Why You Are Still Single

I wish you all a beautiful magical love that you deserve. It is out there for all of us. But we have to fall in love with ourselves first. We have to let go of old unhealthy behaviors, beliefs and patterns about others, and ourselves. We have to open up completely and know ourselves well before we can give ourselves to another,
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Before I explain how I met my match, let me begin with this advice. Being single is amazing, empowering and you should embrace it. We live in a different world today and you should own where you are at this very moment, and radically embrace and accept it. Dating can be fun, if you allow it to be. Make this process about you, your growth and learning, and don't take anything personally. Any rejection that you experience simply brings you one step closer to the right one. So appreciate, accept and own rejection. Re-define what it means to you. You have the power and control to define your reality, and it truly is all about attitude and perception. But one thing about our world today, people can smell right through you. If you go out feeling insecure and unsure of yourself, that energy is what you will give out. It will be unattractive, even if you are the prettiest girl in the room. You have to go inward, learn to love yourself completely and take a much more light hearted approach to dating (especially online dating) when you are ready. If you feel better about yourself going to the gym, taking a new art class, or going out dancing with your friends, then do that. Only push yourself to get out there, when you are ready to. Stop focusing on the right one, and start focusing on being the right one for when he or she shows up. Trust me, it will make life and this experience more enjoyable!

It took me 30 years, but for the first time ever, I feel that I have met my perfect match, and the one who deserves my heart.

He isn't typically who I have dated in the past. He isn't a smooth talking womanizer, and he wasn't trying to take me home on the first few dates. He actually wanted to get to know me. He was so respectful, honest, and even predictable.

At first, this felt boring to me. Because, since I can remember, I have felt the most passion in thrill seeking relationships. This meant, being with unpredictable men who were not always reliable or honest, but always took me on an exciting ride. These relationships always felt thrilling and passionate. My belly would do flips, my heart would beat fast, and I felt alive.

When I first entered this new relationship, I wasn't sure why my belly wasn't flipping. Why was I resisting this amazing man who truly acted like a knight in shining armor, and who won me over, the old fashioned way? Knowing that I could fully trust him, that he didn't hide how he felt about me, that he didn't care what others thought of him, this was all very new to me. I knew that I loved spending time with this person, that I was so attracted to him, that he already felt like a best friend who I had known my whole life. So why wasn't I receiving those thrill seeking emotions that kept me on the edge of my seat? The most beautiful part about our relationship was that I could be honest and open with him about my resistance, my past and my feelings. He was so patient with me and understood me.

Over the last few weeks, I decided to break down my feelings. I broke down what passion actually feels like. How does it feel in my chest and heart? What does it physically do to me? I started to realize that it felt like nervousness, like anxiety even. These heart racing, thrilling emotions disguised as love and passion, they were actually very unhealthy for me. I made a vow to myself to release these old feelings and patterns, look at my true value and worth and realize that I AM deserving of an amazing man who adores me. I AM worthy of this type of everlasting love and that not all men are the same.

However, I realized that over the last 10 years, I was chasing passion. This is extremely easy to do in a world of online dating, and always seeking the next best thing. After lots of confusion, and lots of dating, I finally started talking to the women in my life who had what I wanted. A long, happy and healthy marriage. Most of the women I spoke to all had very similar advice. They all believe that passion and romance is not the most important factor, and that their most passionate relationships ended after a few years. They all realized that friendship, partnership, support and love is what builds in the right partner, and that is what they started looking for in the dating world when they met their match.

I have worked so hard on myself and in my career, and I deserve someone who inspires me. I deserve someone who teaches me, and who makes me a better person. Although I just recently came to this discovery that now looking back seems very simple, it took me years to figure out, and I had to go through heartbreak and digging deep to truly find myself. I am now falling for this person, in a way that I have never fallen before. In a deeper more meaningful way that is hard to explain in words. I can look into our future and see our amazing life ahead. How trustworthy, reliable and stable our relationship will be, and how we are building a bond that can never be broken. We are moving in together next month, and I feel that after many, many frogs, I have finally met my Prince!

If you are currently seeking love, ask yourself if you are looking for love in all the wrong people. How do you actually view yourself, your time, and your worth? Do the people you date match that? Do you demand respect, honesty and trust? Do you tolerate behavior in a partner that you wouldn't tolerate in a family member or a friend? Breakdown your patterns and actually sit with them and sense what they feel like in your body. Be open to online dating. Be open in general. Don't overthink it, and just feel your way through. Your gut knows what is right for you, but many people have found a true talent in learning to ignore it. Demand respect from others and you will receive it. Don't get hung up on one person unless you are sure. Don't waste your time, and don't give all of yourself right away. You have better things to do with your time than get hung up on someone who you have to question or figure out. I believe in old-fashioned love, and I believe that a man or woman should woo you; he should work to win you over, and win your heart and visa versa. I always told myself after a bad date, "it's wrong until its right." This is true. When you meet someone you can actually see yourself settling down with, there won't be confusion, there won't be games, and you will both be available to each other in a beautiful way that almost seems effortless. So don't waste your time with anyone who makes you question that.

I wish you all a beautiful magical love that you deserve. It is out there for all of us. But we have to fall in love with ourselves first. We have to let go of old unhealthy behaviors, beliefs and patterns about others, and ourselves. We have to open up completely and know ourselves well before we can give ourselves to another and experience the most beautiful type of love there is. But most importantly, continue to fall in love with yourself. Don't ever lose yourself in a relationship, and always put yourself first. If you don't, why should anyone else?

Stay in touch with Kristina