The Secret Lives of Republicans

: Real name is Abdul Mohammad Mohammed, an escaped Guantanamo prisoner and freedom fighter.: Actually a Mexican immigrant.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

It seems like anything Republicans are publicly against they are secretly doing:

  • Marc Foley introduced the "Child Modeling Exploitation Prevention Act of 2002" to outlaw websites featuring sexually suggestive images of preteen children. Which I only assume he did to get the web addresses.

  • Larry Craig, who voted against anything that sounded gay (that means you, Princess Party Planning Bill) solicited male hookers.
  • Ted Haggard was an evangelical preacher before he was outed as a gay meth head. (I know he's not a politician but it is still really funny).
  • Here are some others you may not know about:

    • John McCain -- Keeps little Vietcong men hooded and tied up in his basement. And everyday before supper he has the "Johnny Payback Hour."

  • Tom Tancredo -- Actually a Mexican immigrant.
  • Ron Paul -- Only against gun control so after we pull out of Iraq he can be armed to the teeth and go in himself.
  • Mike Huckabee -- Jew.
  • Mitt Romney -- Mitt's real name is Abdul Mohammad Mohammed, an escaped Guantanamo prisoner and freedom fighter. Just kidding! Mitt doesn't need a crazy made-up story. He believes that A) There is a garden of Eden and B) It was in the state of Missouri.
  • George Bush -- Believes in the Constitution.
  • Popular in the Community

    Close

    What's Hot