The Secret Presidential IMs: Bush Hooks Up With Bono

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SumNobel4u2: yo prez

Kickass43: ?

SumNobel4u2: bono

SumNobel4u2: yr nu best bud

Kickass43: sonny?!

Kickass43: i thot u wer ded!!!!

SumNobel4u2: BONO

SumNobel4u2: as in rok star

SumNobel4u2: not as in “& cher”

Kickass43: o

Kickass43: u freakd me

Kickass43: thot I wuz gettin msgs from the byond

Kickass43: u kno like hillary & eleanor

Kickass43: sry :)

SumNobel4u2: u goppers r so lame

SumNobel4u2: ur musical knwledj stops at like 1975

Kickass43: not tru

SumNobel4u2: tru

SumNobel4u2: evry time I meet 1 of u dudes u call me BONE-O

SumNobel4u2: like he wuz the original

SumNobel4u2: & im the knockoff

Kickass43: he wuz a fly dude in congress wat can I say

Kickass43: gop dudes in congress uslly look like mormon choir boyz

Kickass43: bono wuz 2 cool

Kickass43: hot wife b4 she went brunette

Kickass43: big mistake

Kickass43: she dont look any smarter

Kickass43: jus less hot

SumNobel4u2: rite

SumNobel4u2: change of topic

SumNobel4u2: wat u think of my idea

Kickass43: wat idea

SumNobel4u2: !

SumNobel4u2: my wrld tour 4 hunger

Kickass43: ?

SumNobel4u2: man we talkd bout this

SumNobel4u2: “ambassador 2 end world poverty”

SumNobel4u2: kickoff concert on the s. lawn

SumNobel4u2: ring any effin bells?

Kickass43: O MAN

Kickass43: sox jus scored unudder freakin run

Kickass43: sox sux! sox sux!

SumNobel4u2: ur watchin baseball?!

Kickass43: duh

Kickass43: its like the WORLD SERIES

Kickass43: astros screwin up big time

Kickass43: like none of my teams r workin it

Kickass43: mayb we shud trade rove 4 lidge

Kickass43: not like hes pitchin any bettr

SumNobel4u2: sry if I care mor bout WORLD HUNGER at the mo

Kickass43: rite

Kickass43: like if it wuz soccer u wdnt care

Kickass43: o sry

Kickass43: “football”

Kickass43: kidz cud starv if beckham wuz playin

SumNobel4u2: k fine

SumNobel4u2: so wat u think of my idea

SumNobel4u2: makin me ambassdr

Kickass43: 2 b frank wit u

Kickass43: not 2 good

SumNobel4u2: u likd it at lunch!

Kickass43: yeh but

SumNobel4u2: but wat

Kickass43: gotta lotta ambassdrs rite now

Kickass43: they aint doin so hot

Kickass43: karens doin her evita tour thru the arab world

Kickass43: we shudda shut that 1 down b4 bringin it 2 brdway

Kickass43: kno wat im sayin

SumNobel4u2: 4 sure

SumNobel4u2: no offnse but I nvr thot sendin a white evangelical chick from tx

SumNobel4u2: 2 preach 2 the jihadists

SumNobel4u2: wuz gonna fly

Kickass43: ditto

Kickass43: didn’t need no rove or scooter 2 tell me dat

Kickass43: but ther aint no persuadin karen

Kickass43: shes like I kno how

Kickass43: theyr jus soccr moms w/suicide vests

Kickass43: leave it 2 me she sed

Kickass43: I think she was jus tryin 2 flee the crib b4 the indictments went down

SumNobel4u2: condis way btter but shes still not goin over

SumNobel4u2: ive played tuff crowds but nothing like arabs

SumNobel4u2: ther wors than baptists

Kickass43: condi wuz my mistake

Kickass43: theyd enuff w/jews like wolfie

Kickass43: thot theyd like a way hot black chick in big boots kickin ther butt

Kickass43: saudis r kinky dat way

SumNobel4u2: think u need 2 send a guy

SumNobel4u2: a brother

Kickass43: Jeb?!

Kickass43: LOL

SumNobel4u2: an ARAB brother

SumNobel4u2: not 1 of yr good ol boyz with a spray-on tan

SumNobel4u2: & a t towel on his hed

Kickass43: wat bout u?

SumNobel4u2: me?

SumNobel4u2: do arabs??

SumNobel4u2: :O

Kickass43: rofl

Kickass43: no doofus brain

Kickass43: im talkin bout africans

Kickass43: dont u hav same problemo as karen & condi

SumNobel4u2: I dont get wat ur sayin

Kickass43: ur a wite ass

Kickass43: jus becuz u wear those phat suits & wrap glasses

Kickass43: dont make u any less ofa wite ass

Kickass43: put a do-rag on ur hed

Kickass43: ur still jus a wite raghead

Kickass43: wat makes u think u can hang w/africans any better than karen w/durka durkas

SumNobel4u2: r u dissin me bro?

SumNobel4u2: cuz ive been nominated 4 THE prize

SumNobel4u2: the nobel prize

SumNobel4u2: ive been workin my ass off 4 the africans way long dude

SumNobel4u2: way way longer than geldof

SumNobel4u2: aint gotta nitehood

SumNobel4u2: cuz im a mick

Kickass43: I aint dissin u

Kickass43: jus sayin the ambassador thang aint gonna b happenin

Kickass43: lemme talk 2 my bud tony

Kickass43: mayb he’ll work sumpin 4 u

SumNobel4u2: k

SumNobel4u2: thanx

SumNobel4u2: i ges

Kickass43: come chill next time ur here

Kickass43: mayb we can hang at camp dave

Kickass43: w/the twinz

Kickass43: theyv nvr herd of sonny bono

Kickass43: astros r up

Kickass43: g2g

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS CURRENTLY OFF-LINE

“The Secret Presidential IMs” will now be a regular feature on HuffPo. Check here each Tuesday for a new installment.