We're one month into 2017 and here is what I believe we are all better off realizing - that we have the power to design our lives, for the most part. I have always firmly adhered to the notion that one should not let life "happen" to them. You need to decide what you want for your life, take control, and make it happen. That's how I have always lived; I'd set a goal and then do whatever I needed to make each dream a reality. I am probably unique in the sense that, although I am a planner and believe that if you don't take the time to plan things out, they are much less likely to happen, I am also a firm believer of living in the moment. I have been known to engage in spur of the moment activities that I think will enhance my life or serve as a wonderful memory. In both scenarios, I feel that I am taking control of my life....my story.
I know many people take a different approach and believe you take and deal with life as it comes to you. What will be...well...will be. This seems to work for some people and just fits their personalities. I am not one to tell someone how to live or how to think or feel, but I would hypothesize that people in this camp may feel more satisfied, at the end of the day, if they took more of an active stance in their own lives and became more of a participant, as opposed to an observer.
Despite my desire to take a substantial role in steering my own ship, over the past several years, certain situations have arisen where I've learned I just don't have complete control. Sometimes, no matter how much I want something, I can't make it happen alone. Maybe it's the situational circumstances. Or, maybe it's because of the action or inaction of others. Either way, it's a frustrating and downright painful place for someone who believes in controlling his or her destiny to be.
One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to focus on where I want to exert my energy. As human beings, we only have so much to give. I need to focus on what I can control. The American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr's "The Serenity Prayer" gives good guidance:
“God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
In 2017 I will do a better job of evaluating and determining what I need to accept and what I need to turn my efforts away from. The energy I'm exerting towards fruitless tasks or endeavors is energy I could be devoting to things that could make my life, the lives of my children, and the world better.
It's The Serenity Prayer's phrase "....and wisdom to know the difference," that is the hard part for most of us. Knowing when to call it a day, move on, refocus efforts, or to keep and push on; that's the key.
Here are just a few examples: I can't control if someone I love gets in a car accident or falls prey to some horrific disease. I know many people didn't want Trump to win the election but, guess what? He did. Does it make sense to pine away and exert such effort lamenting the current reality? I can't control other peoples' decisions and how they may or may not affect me. I can't, singlehandedly, control whether the NIH feels it's appropriate to designate only 4% of the funds earmarked for cancer research towards childhood cancer.
Alternatively, I can control whether I help to raise money in my local community to help raise awareness of childhood cancer. I can control whether I go to the gym or eat a pan of brownies. If I hate my job, I can get a new one. If something is weighing me down mentally, emotionally, or in any other way, I can choose to head in a different direction or refocus my attention on things that will have a more positive affect and outcome on my life. Positivity is the only way to go. There is no room for negativity.
So, here we are - one month into this amazing new year. Eleven more to go. If you haven't already, now's the time to take stock and evaluate where you currently are, where you are headed, and where you want and need to be. And, what you are doing or not doing to get there. Are you spinning your wheels? Doing the same thing over and over with unsuccessful results? Pouring extreme effort and emotion into something that will get you nowhere and has proved fruitless in the past? Or, alternatively, are you close to a goal and need to put in the extra effort or compromise to get there?
We have one life to live and it's remarkably short. The brevity of life is something I realize and contemplate more and more each year. We all just want to be happy. Make this year count. My new motto is "Live in the moment, but keep an eye toward future." Be strong. Focus. Evaluate and maybe reevaluate. Surge ahead. Be brave. Live. Do. Triumph. We have eleven more months that will fly by in an instant. Happy 2017.